What fucking day is it? I work 14 hours on Christmas and wake up to texts about availability for New Years!

“I really can’t stay. Baby it’s cold outside” No it’s last call, get the fuck out!

Tip your servers, bartenders, garbage man, mail man, dog sitter, dentist, stripper, Uber driver and everyone else that has to work this holiday.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.... for everyone else

I work on Christmas so all the good little boys and girls parents can drink and forget about them.

If you didn’t leave a tip and I yell out “Have a nice day!” You better not turn around! Keep walking with your head down in shame! You know what u did!

Welcome, How are you today? “Beer list!?!?” Oh nice, well, im cocktail napkin and I’ll grab the beer list and go fuck myself now.

You don’t tip because we don’t hook it up.... We don’t hook it up because you don’t tip.... Circle of life.

Nothing can stop me , I’m all the way up!!!! Nope never mind, I’m on the day shift.

There’s no such thing as a “proper pour”.... it’s a “do I like you pour” Or a “your mom should have used plan B pour”

You’re working from home? Me too, I’ve made 8 drinks and they all tasted great on my couch.

People need to understand that there is more than 1 tab open and I do not remember your fucking name!

“I’m missing 1 bud light...” Nope, you didn’t order one. But I’ll grab you one now. “I definitely ordered a bud light” Well since you definitely ordered a bud light we are now out of bud light. – at Los Angeles, CA

Speciality drinks are special for you but hated by the bartender. – at Los Angeles, CA

Managers: “Why did you not come to me for help??” Bartender: “You don’t even know how to do your job, I can’t expect you to know how to do mine!” – at Los Angeles, CA

I don’t go into Dunkin’ Donuts and ask for a beer. Don’t come into the bar asking for a damn coffee. – at West Hollywood, CA

“Can you make a good drink?” I blessed the fucking rain down in Africa. Don’t question my vodka and soda! – at Quincy, MA

When all else fails just say the kitchens backed up.... aka forgot to put in the order... aka you weren’t listening. – at Los Angeles, CA