Sal Demilio

I always vote for the candidate who gets fewer votes than the margin of error. #Jokes #Vote

Don't forget to vote on Nov 3rd. This is going to be the most important Dancing with the Stars final ever. #Jokes

Gisele Bündchen made a surprise cameo at a Victoria's Secret fashion show years after working in the industry. Tom Brady should make a cameo for the 0-5 Miami Dolphins. #Jokes #MiamiDolphins #Tombrady

Elon Musk and Tesla unveiled a new prototype roadster flying car set to be ready by 2028. Illinois has already begun installing aerial toll booths.

Elon Musk and Tesla unveiled a new prototype roadster flying car, set to be ready by 2028. The state of Illinois has begun installing toll booths in the air. #Jokes #SalDemilio

I can relate to that Kelly Clarkson situation. I went into a store yesterday, browsed, and asked about prices, and I felt a little like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. I'm never going back to that 5below store again. #Jokes #SalDemilio

Sebastian Maniscalco wrote a famous bit about how, back in the day, you couldn't wait to answer the door when your doorbell rang. Now, in 2026, your doorbell rings; it's 800 comics asking where the hell my Sirius money is. #Jokes

Be careful if you Trunk or Treat this year. Last year, a kid took my jumper cables because he thought they were large-size Twizzlers. #Twizzlers #Halloween #Jokes

I'm going to hold my voting ballot like a pair of dice. C'mon, midterms, Daddy needs a new pair of shoes. #Jokes

I was dating an AI girlfriend for a while, but her water bill was killing me. #Jokes #AI

Current and former NFL players are now allowed to go back to college and play for a year. Let's swap the Lions' roster with Michigan's and win a title that way. #Jokes #NFL #uofm

I like to sing Kenny G songs at karaoke bars. I never need to read the lyrics. #Karaoke #Jokes

A rare total solar eclipse crossed parts of Europe on August 12, 2026. Or it could be all the World Cup fans raising their ranch dressing bottles they brought back from the US. #Jokes #SalDemilioComedy

Pope Leo, a Chicago white sox fan, got a front-row seat to hear Andrea Bocelli sing at his concert for peace event at his summer home. Mr. Bocceli closed out his concert with the song "Go Cubs Go."

Dr. Fauci pleaded the 5th 112 times in one day. 111 times at his hearing and then once to his wife when he got home, and she asked him who ate the last piece of pecan pie in the fridge. #Jokes #SalDemilio

I'm still not that good at ChatGPT, so I'm currently enrolled in ChatGED. #Jokes

Mexico beat Ecuador in a huge World Cup game played in Mexico City. Fans could take their ticket stub to anyone's house to get a free taco. #Jokes #Worldcup

Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift could be getting married at Madison Square Garden. Could you imagine walking into MSG carrying a toaster as my gift?#jokes

Ranch dressing is a big hit amongst all World Cup fans here in the United States. A ship of ranch dressing was the only boat allowed to go through the Strait of Hormuz. #Jokes #RanchDressing

The NFL kicks off on Wednesday, September 9th, with the Patriots and Seahawks. Bostonians have to choose between Prince spaghetti day and football. #nfl #Jokes