What I’ve learned about life, grief and friendship since my dad died 3 weeks ago. You won’t have hard feelings or anger towards the people who didn’t show up for you; but you’ll never, ever forget the ones that did. The best thing you can do for someone grieving is to take action. Send them something, buy them dinner (s/o @aussieflya ) or just show up at services or other times for them. No one grieving ever reaches out for help. Telling them “let me know if you need anything” doesn’t work because they’ll never ask. Take action and just do. I had a friend drive up from Chicago for my dad services, and I will never ever, ever forget that gesture. I saw people who were in my life 30 years ago who showed up because we shared a time and place and experience together. Was amazing. Life isn’t about your bank account. Now or in the future. It’s about experiences and relationships. I would have given away all my material possessions if it meant five more years with my dad. I imagine I’ll feel the same when it’s my time to go. I’ll be willing to give anything for more time with my wife and girls. That’s how horrible it felt in the moment watching my dad slip away. So many of the petty grievances, disagreements, or grudges you hold are really meaningless. When someone is dying, you realize how quickly all of that means nothing and you put them aside to be there for them. I have family members that I haven’t spoken to in years due to some disagreements, that I hugged and held hands with as my dad passed away. I feel like this experience has changed me. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same person I was. It feels like the first half of my life is officially over, and now the second half begins.

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