Ian DS (@ScouldingIan) header
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Ian DS

@ScouldingIan

Ex Pat in NZ 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 🇳🇿 Hopefully all puns original, but there are only 48 musical scales, so who knows!

Joined September 2015
  • Tweets7.9K
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  • Followers2.1K
A French policeman pulled me and my five kids over because the number 9 of my car registration wasn’t visible. Once I explained that it was there, but there was mud covering it, he let me go. He said he could see that I had a neuf on my plate. #LunchPun #RateMyPun
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Hastings is named after a local farmer who inadvertently sat on a wasp's nest during harvesting. #LunchPun
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That storm last night at the camping ground has changed our holiday, to a large ex tent. #LunchPun
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Me: A Hollywood legend was once arrested for bombing a French car lot... Them: Burnt Renaults? Me: No, Jack Nicholson... #LunchPun #RateMyPun
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Not settling for the status quo, the new recruits will henceforth be kitted out in luxury camouflage gear. They're in Armani now. #LunchPun
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Not all guitarist like yeast based spreads. But I think Johnny Marr might. #lunchpun
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Suitably Fake news about male geese is Proper Gander #badjokethursday #LunchPun #RateMyPun
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Orthodontists going on strike. Brace yourselves! #LunchPun
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Why is Saint-Saëns Symphony No. 3 in C minor known as ‘The Organ Symphony’? Because ‘The Brain, Heart, Kidney, Spleen, Liver & Intestine Symphony’ would be far too long, obviously #BadJokeFriday #LunchPun #RateMyPun
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I'm crying because I couldn't put up my rack using a food mixer and now I just feel like gnawing on it. I could try explaining it a different way but there's a whisk, I'll just weep eat my shelf. #LunchPun
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A sheep walks into a pub, and asks for a bag of salted peanuts. The landlord replies, “Sorry, we don’t serve baa snacks”. #lunchpun
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Drinks were flowing all day at the charity cricket match, and in the end Bud Light stopped play. #LunchPun
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On Tuesday, Charles III will deliver his juicy fruit at the state opening of parliament: It is the King's Peach #SideSplittingSunday #LunchPun #RateMyPun
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Sheep kept getting in to our tent while we were camping the other day so I used the technique my friend Simon showed me how to get them out. Did you use Si’s tent shoos? No, that’s cruel, and my feet aren’t that big anyway! #PunInTenDid
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It’s hard to believe, but I have a rare skin condition that prevents anyone from putting cosmetics on my face. You couldn’t make it up if you tried!! #LunchPun
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It’s hard to believe, but I have a rare skin condition that prevents anyone from putting cosmetics on my face. You couldn’t make it up if you tried!! #LunchPun #LunchPun
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My musician friend says the best instruments to play are those with bellows- Well, that’s accordion to him, anyway #WednesdayWit #LunchPun #RateMyPun
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