Shelley retweeted
Yeah, last season he was a pixie-dust spreader on the Tilt-O-Whirl. He thinks that maybe next year, he'll be guessing people's weight or barking for the Yak woman.
Shelley retweeted
#BROWNS WIN!
It’s a miracle!!!!! – at Ohio, USA
Shelley retweeted
If someone says, "Let's grab coffee sometime!" and then doesn't immediately pull out their phone to schedule it, (phones now come with calendars, it's crazy) they don't want to grab coffee. They just don't know how to say the phrase "It's nice to run into you, have a great day!"
Shelley retweeted
if you deconstructed yourself out of being hype for this you deconstructed too hard. seek God.
Shelley retweeted
DON’T 👏🏼 CALL 👏🏼 YOURSELF 👏🏼 A 👏🏼 CHRISTIAN 👏🏼 IF 👏🏼 YOU 👏🏼 DON’T 👏🏼 KNOW 👏🏼 WHAT 👏🏼 THE 👏🏼 LIFEHOUSE 👏🏼 SKIT 👏🏼 IS 👏🏼
Shelley retweeted
And when Santa squeezes his fat, white ass down that chimney tonight, he's going to find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!
Shelley retweeted
You know that metal plate in my head? I had to have it replaced because every time Catherine revved up the microwave I’d piss my pants and forget who I was for a half hour or so.
Thanks @taylorswift13 for spending 1,170 minutes with me in 2022. I couldn’t stop listening to the 1. #SpotifyWrapped open.spotify.com/artist/06HL…
Shelley retweeted
Every Sunday I’m faced with the decision to be the healthiest person alive or eat and drink everything on earth.
