There needs to be an esports team for middle-aged moms who are admittedly trash but need to get aggression out so they don't murder their teenagers. #representation #entertainment #askmeaboutsponsorships

Been awhile since I've said this, but fuck Elon Musk.

A squirrel and a sandhill crane are having a verbal altercation in my yard and it's riveting.

One of my students just asked "If a hotdog gets cold, is it a chili dog?" and I cannot rn...

Currently sitting in a Michelin- starred restaurant, eating cheese, listening to @tameimpala and The Notorious B.I.G. What is this life?!?!?!

All of my dogs love Cap'n Crunch and it's none of your business how I know that.

It's that time of year. You have been blessed with the Christmas dildo!!! #MerryChristmas #HappyHolidays

♥️♥️

Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyXAnniversary

One of my 7th graders just discovered ASCII art. He was born in 2012. I'm old.

Ugh. My husband just cracked eggs into a cold pan. Have I taught him nothing?!?!!

I don't know which one of you got me the dumpster fire, but I love you!

Some people were asking so I'm sharing my Year 5 wishlist. Please consider sharing; sucks having to buy my own supplies every year. #TeacherLife #helpagirlout #noreallyshitisexpensive amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/17…

My Queeeeeeeeeeeeeen!!!

13 years ago today, I released "Titan". That's so crazy to me! I should make more Eve parodies. #tweetfleet #eveonline

I miss @dirkmacgirk. That is all.

This timeline is so fucking weird.

I'm watching this old guy across from me eat pizza with a knife and fork, and it's making me inexplicably angry.