Glight

If you try to do anything that’s not tap to pay in a big city the cashier will string you up by your toenails and kill you

Pretty cool thank you Thundercat

Got it and I’m going to see Thundercat in concert in an hour #awesome

My tax job has me scheduled for some pre season loan stuff for 6 days straight and I’m about to ask for 4 days off immediately after with a straight face

I have a talent to take mundane things that happen to me and make it sound like it was actually something crazy

a cop show my mom watched was using the term "looksmaxxers" and in the post credit people were credited as "looksmaxxer 1" & "looksmaxxer 2". I am very curious about the type of person who writes cop shows.

wow these chicken & dumplings are fire almost makes me forget that the last time I had made them I was taking photos and then proceeded to bleed all over my last set of chicken & dumplings

He judges me because I napped without him

I want to take a nap soooooo bad but that means another 2 days of constant naps no full rest.

Landlords are swapping houses with me. They took the external heating/cooling system that they broke ~2 months ago and got it replaced within a day... no they did not turn it on for me they're saving that for when they move in 🥹 They are also raising the rent 🥹🥹🥹🥹 wow 🥹🥹🥹

Beams this into your brain

Who want something from the store I’m rich

Taking my chess pieces for a walk :3

You think this guy got some heat

Tax course I opened contains 8 modules

I don't know--you sure he's not throwing up because he's pregnant with verity?

she glight on my denny til i @SmashTrophy

I can't come up with anything witty today. So I am taking applications for twitter ghost writers. Tell me what to tweet