Rotimi So-Fly

Bro Today I bumped into my ex-girlfriend at Arena Mall. She was cruising in her Toyota Sienta, while yours truly was on foot-subish. 😂 To my surprise, the chic actually stopped to greet me. She was smiling like someone who had just received a land title. Very excited, very cheerful, very interested in my existence. We exchanged pleasantries until she pulled out the big question: “What are you doing here?” I told her I had come to check on my flames from Optica. Then came question number two: “Where do you stay these days?” I told her. My brother’s, the smile that followed! 😂😂 It was the smile of someone who had just confirmed a long-standing suspicion. I could almost hear the background music of a successful investigation. At that point, I realised this was no reunion. It was a lifestyle audit! She wasn’t checking on me; she was checking whether life had humbled me enough to deserve her sympathy. I decided to withdraw from the interview. After all, I hadn’t submitted my CV. She rushed to her Sienta and drove off. As I walked away, I reminded myself of one important truth: Every woman who has ever dated me has experienced some form of financial upgrade. Apparently, I am not just a boyfriend; I am a walking economic empowerment programme. 😂 Unfortunately, some beneficiaries graduate with the money but miss the wisdom. I eventually got into my car and headed home. Now, life had another episode waiting for me. I bumped into the same chic again at Total, towards Clock Tower on my way home. This time, she was standing there with a jerrycan, looking for fuel for her small car. OMANYI ABAANA BA SUBARU! Twewaga 😂😂😂 I greeted her again, then instructed the attendant to fill her jerrycan. I mean, why should an old relationship suffer because of a small fuel crisis? We may have separated romantically, but humanity must remain operational! Besides, I couldn’t let someone who once enjoyed my wisdom run out of fuel in my presence. Senior Bro 😎