@SorryIsaidF_off

Just a mom collecting pickled dicks in jars on a shelf. DM me and I'll probably steal your soul or tell you to fuck off. Unavailable.

 Colorado
Joined August 2022
  • Tweets49.4K
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  • Followers5.4K
10.9KMedia
I just took Ibuprofen with a swig of tequila because I couldn't find my water.
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Much better.
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Who is telling this man he is more attractive than Noah Wyle?
Patrick@PatrickLucien498h
You know you fucked up your selection when even I am sexier than the choice
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Waiting to get my stitches out, thinking I should stop for a bottle of tequila on my way home.....๐Ÿค”
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Sometimes Mother Nature knows what she wants.
Matthew Williams
@sonofRuth3Oct 27
Please what's this name of this plant
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Today I got to explain to 4th graders that multiple choice questions don't mean you get to pick multiple answers.
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The kids might be alright.
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In my yellow era
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โ˜•๏ธโ˜•๏ธโ˜•๏ธ
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He's the best grading buddy. ๐Ÿ’š
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Who the fuck bookmarked my black eye??
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Apparently I still have to got to school with a black eye.
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It's Fucking Monday
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Eeeew. She's 85 and has an OnlyFans page?
Entertainment Weekly
@EWOct 24
Donna Mills, 85, explains what she refuses to do on her OnlyFans page ew.com/donna-mills-onlyfans-โ€ฆ

The one thing Donna Mills refuses to do on her OnlyFans page

Donna Mills, 85, explains what she refuses to do on her OnlyFans page

ew.com
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I already fed my kids lunch and I think it's bullshit I have to feed them dinner too!
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Look @sammy1 Mercury in Gatorade.
Pop Crave
@PopCraveOct 24
Mercury is in retrograde again until November 13.
Readers added context they thought people might want to know
That is Mars. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mars
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Soccer is fucking cold today. โšฝ๏ธ
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๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ
New York Post
@nypostOct 23
Notorious 'Tan Mom' says she was stopped by 'racist' ICE agents because her skin is so dark trib.al/go2WofS
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Happy Weekend Fuckers
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30 Days of Night is one of my absolute favorites.
House Of Horrors
@HouseOfHorrorCoOct 23
Which movie do you prefer?
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โ˜บ๏ธ
โ€œ๐“ฃ๐“ฑ๐“ฎ ๐“›๐“ฒ๐“ฝ๐“ฝ๐“ต๐“ฎ ๐“‘๐“ต๐“ธ๐“ท๐“ญ๐“ฎ ๐“ž๐“ท๐“ฎโ€
@puddykat21Oct 22
Iโ€™m a โœŒ๏ธ Howโ€™s about you?
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