Steroidal Masculinity

I made a new gym buddy. We’ve bumped fists and bonded over a set of T-bar rows. But one important question remains: Who’s top and who’s bottom? Today we sort it, like men. A naked kiss-off in the middle of the locker room. First one on their knees is a dirty fucking cumdump.

When a gym bro lets it slip that nothing makes him nut harder than titty fucking a giant set of meaty honkers, you really only have one choice. Dedicate the rest of your life to growing a set of jugs so massive he can’t help but glaze them every day of the week.

Heading to Folsom Berlin for a classic lads lads lads weekend. Sipping mimosas, swapping loads and dressing like a whore. onlyfans.com/1265778102/ster…

Food seems to be going down easier than normal, so I’m taking the opportunity to stack on some much-needed meat. 228 lbs / 103.4 kg. Only another 37 lbs until I realise I wanna be even bigger 😇

I would never suggest the gym is solely about swapping loads with the lads, but when you barely even get finger blasted during a workout, it does make you think. Found these in my wardrobe. Far too small. Very uncomfortable. So naturally an ideal choice for pull day later.

Ask any monumental slut what their greatest fear is and you’ll get the same response: the fear of being mistaken for a plain, old, regular slut. That’s where greased up rubber comes in. Since making it an integral part of my wardrobe, the lads at my gym just see me as a hole.

Cannot fucking believe I got fucking sunburnt taking loads at the beach. I just hope my woes can be a cautionary tale for you guys. Safer sex is no laughing matter. Always, always use protection: SPF 50 or higher when getting raw dogged in the sun.

In one of the most mortifying experiences of my life, I accidentally wandered onto a nudist beach. So great was my embarrassment, I had no choice but to walk a further 500m up the beach to the gay area in search of dick.

Playing it coy at the pump n dump so the lads don’t think I’m an unsavoury character with loose morals.

Wearing my thicker 9 mm ring cuz I like the way his legs tremble when I hit it off his special spot.

It’s often the simple things that make life worth living. Like stripping off with the lads to put on a show for the dads. Ah, the circle of life.

Been testing out some new gym wear options. Sure, it squeaks when I walk and stains the equipment, but nothing screams ‘do me’ more than rubber. The memory of a good workout may fade. But getting tag teamed by the lads in the showers? Those memories last a lifetime.

I was resting between sets last night, trying to remember how many loads were in me, when a guy approached to ask how many sets I had left. Initially perturbed by the interruption, all was soon forgiven once I realised he was staring straight at my tits instead of my face.

Haven’t trimmed this bush in months cuz a few of the lads said it makes them squirt so fucking much when it brushes against their butt cheeks. No matter how badly I might be craving a tidy up, some things matter more. Making your gym bro squirt is one of those things.

Ever since the first dumbbell was thrown in a town called Stonewall, #Pride has unified our entire community around a simple demand: The right for gym bros to shoot loads into each other. That’s why I hope to spend this year on my knees, drenched in our shared history.

From 187 lbs in August 2020 to 223 lbs in May 2024. That’s 36 lbs gained in just under 4 years. “Bro, only 36 lbs?”, I hear you say. Guys, I’m trying, but when you’ve also sworn an oath and dedicated your life to serving cock, it doesn’t make it easy.

Every Sunday night, my gym closes its doors to the public and hosts its weekly “Just Bros Being Bros” event. Away from prying eyes, bros can truly be bros without judgement; a bunch of lads training hard, admiring each other’s bodies, making out and swapping loads (no homo).

When my growth stalled last month, I felt my status as ‘biggest slag in the gym’ slip from my grasp. To earn it back, my calories have been upped to 5,500 per day and, with a little help from my dear friend, Lady Diana Ball, my weight is climbing once again. 101.6 kg / 224 lbs

Penis - is there anything it can’t do? Happy? Celebrate with penis Sad? Commiserate with penis Stressed? Penis soothes Hungry? Penis nourishes Bored? Penis. Mother Nature created the solution to all of life’s problems, and she hid it inside your bro’s pants.

Like all lads, I choose new gym gear based on how many people’s husbands I can expect to seduce while wearing it. To say I’m gutted with these new 4 inch shorts is a bit of an understatement. Despite being a full inch shorter than my old ones, I’ve barely wrecked a single home.