No woman on here is surprised by this 😂 Every "straight" cashmaster is secretly a finslut, every "alpha male" secretly likes CBT

I fucking hate "subs" like this Buy me what *I* want, or better yet shut up and send and don't worry your dumb little head about what I'm doing with MY money, it's clearly better off with me

Us: *having a nice breakfast at the hotel* Stormy, unprompted: the biggest planet in the world is gonna DIE when the sun dies 😳 Good morning to you to baby girl

May be my favorite thing I've eaten all trip tbh

I'm on vacation so I haven't been on Twitter but logged on to: Selma Blair biting a flight attendant Shutter CEO is the people's hero Kelly Clarkson beefing with a NY shop Tom Wellings dick And a roller coaster death at my home park What in the fuck is going on

This is such a dad response omg 💀

Who needs a stairmaster when you've got Great Wolf Lodge 🥴

Granny glasses fit for the water park

You can buy me a drink. You're welcome.

I ordered beef tartare, which came in a beef bone, and they told me it was customary to do a shot of congac through the bone marrow. Sounds like a lie but who am I to decline 😂 Bottoms up babes!

10 days 6 states 1700 miles 29 hours in the car Worth every minute

My mans in surgery now! Send quick healing vibes

He's in recovery! Nurse called to let me know first thing he did as he woke from anesthesia was profess his love for me 🤣🤣 she said "TWELVE YEARS?! Marry that man" lmfao

Bless my surgeon 🙏🏻 😍

I can't decide what to be for Halloween this year. I was gonna do Bride of Chucky but BF changed his mind last minute

BF has been making me watch TV with him while he recovers. So far I've made it thru the new Carrie series, Lanterns, and VisionQuest

My kids are super into horror this year and my 7 yr old BEGGED to watch IT and made it maybe 30 min before she changed her mind so now we're watching Five Nights at Freddy's lmao my kids are fucking weird

We went to Fright Fest at Six Flags Georgia last night for my kid's bday and at the end of the Camp Slasher maze a Jason with a chainsaw chased my kid all the way to the exit, turned around, and high fived me as he walked back up 😂😂😂 10/10

We've also been watching a bunch of horror movies on break, so far I've watched Smile Fine Nights at Freddy's The Conjuring Sinister What should I watch next?

The new "would you love me if I was a worm": "If our son was in a coma would you let me bring in a psychic to bring him back from astral projecting?"