I asked an economist how money is created. He said it's complicated. I asked a counterfeiter. He was much more helpful.

I just watched a couple of old horror movies. The real villain in 80s horror movies was the automotive industry. Nobody could ever get their car to start when the killer showed up.

Now that we have flying cars, I think it’s time we get those pigs airborne.

My local bookstore has a maps section. I want to know who buys these and why.

I’m going to start a nonprofit sailing around the Greek Islands looking for rich people lost at sea. All we need to get started is a small luxury yacht and a few fishing poles. Your donations could save lives.

I've never met a suspicious person who thought they looked suspicious.

I bet a lot of motivational speakers gave up and got regular jobs.

Unusual story: In 1981, Johnny Cash was nearly killed by his pet ostrich, Waldo. The bird attacked him causing serious abdomen injuries and breaking five ribs. He credited his heavy belt buckle with saving his life.

The one thing UFOs and Bigfoot have in common is that they're both blurry.

Lake Hillier in Australia looks wild. The water is extremely salty and naturally pink due to algae and bacteria that give it its unusual color.

This Smashing Pumpkins video captures another time, before cell phones and social media. Pure nostalgia.

I have something funny to tell you tomorrow.

I wonder if anyone has ever died waiting for someone to get to the point of a story.

Someone sent me $10 on 𝕏 Money. I’m going to go spend it all in one place.

Just a reminder that someone out there remembers the most embarrassing moment of your life. In detail.

I’ve noticed the more famous someone gets, the harder it becomes for them to tolerate indoor lighting. It reaches the point where they can’t sit through interviews without sunglasses.

I have never had to replace a refrigerator light. Kind of weird.