I didn’t realize this until the traffic disappeared, but I think I’m afraid of the dark!

If anyone figures out how to deliver traffic, let me know!

I’m playing Chopped! right now. My ingredients are cigarette butts, one shoe, and a blown out tire. Aaaand go!

I’m hungry! Can one of you grub hub or door dash drivers drop some takeout out the window?

I feel naked.

Happy St. Patrick’s day! May the ME rise up to meet you!

Memory, all alone in the mooooooonlight...

Hey! You people! Roll up your windows. I'm trying to practice social distancing here!

No, Alanis Morissette, a traffic jam when you're already late is not ironic. I would know.

I'm not really evil. I'm just trying to make you forget your crappy day at work by making your commute more painful. #helpfulfreeway

Cease all motor functions. Just kidding! You already are! #Westworld

Are you there yet? Are you there yet? Are you there yet? Are you there yet?

Oh, you think you're going to leave work early to avoid all the traffic? I'm sure NO ONE else has that SAME idea! #condescendingfreeway

Sorry I'm late, I was stuck in my own traffic.

Guess who's back, and backed up again?

Oh, you're driving to the mall after work to finish your Christmas shopping? I'm sure NO ONE else has that exact same idea!

It's time for MUSICAL LANES! Quick! Everyone change lanes at the same time!

Oh no! It's dark AND it's raining! How ever will you find your off-ramp?