Adam Gabel

You know that someone is really successful at something they’re good at when the public lets them be successful at something else they are terrible at.

Between Skechers fake AI photo ads and the new cartoon ones that somehow look less like they were made by people, I’m starting to think their marketing plan is based on Meg Ryan’s performance in When Harry Met Sally.

I don’t know why he goes by Stephen Miller, just looking at him it’s clear his family name is Destro.

I wish people would say “excuse me” more instead of “sorry” all the time, I think it would hurt less to be told that I’m an excuse me excuse for a father.

What I learned this week is that if Gaston had survived his fall off The Beast’s castle, there probably wouldn’t have been anyone singing along with LeFou for the next reprise.

It’s hard to compete with technology; like I was on a show tonight with an actual AI Robot and while I was clever, engaging and funny, the robot got all of the attention for not falling over.

One time I got audited by the IRS and after it was over they told me they couldn’t do it again for another seven years. I said “Good, because I just broke a mirror.”

Wait, so you’re saying Sharia Law isn’t a new David E. Kelly legal drama?

Not everyone remembers the online ‘Vote for the Worst’ campaigns but the people of Florida surely do.

This should be good news for Republicans too because from what I understood they got tired of winning.

Turns out that fifth dentist was Haley Stevens.

Republicans can take solace knowing after they get their ass handed to them on Tuesday, Donald Trump will be there to say that it still looks good in a swimsuit.

Seems to me owning the libs means you can’t afford to own anything else.

It’s crazy turning back the clock for Daylight Savings two hours into November, because instead of Daylight what we’re really getting is an extra hour of Christmas Carols.

I bet the reason Megatron hangs out with jets is that when he flies commercial he has to stay in a locked & sealed hard case under the plane.

It’s not really surprising that Skeletor is such a narcissist, you’d have a pretty high opinion of yourself if everybody put up your picture in their windows for the entire month of October.

Just voted. Can I get one of those privacy booths for the subway?

When the Riddler needs a new costume, does he make it himself or does he just go to Spirit Halloween on November 1 like the rest of us?

Host: Do you mind going bullet? Werewolf Comic: Is it silver?

I can’t tell who my neighbors are voting for, on the one hand they all have posters for Democrats on their lawns, but on the other hand they all have decaying orange gourds their stoops, so they could be Trump supporters.