Goober Grove

ALT PANEL 1 The mayor of Goober Grove does a political ad. Mayor: For the past 24 years, I've been glad to serve as Goober Grove's mayor, and well, why stop now, am I right? It's not like you can find anyone more experienced! PANEL 2 Pan out to show Razzlyn and Georgetta watching the commercial. Mayor: That's why this Tuesday, I want you to get out there and vote for me! PANEL 3 Georgetta expresses confusion at the mayor's long tenure. Georgetta: How has he been mayor for so long? Does anyone even like him? Razzlyn: No, not really. People just vote for the name they know. PANEL 4 Razzlyn explains further. Razzlyn: I mean, it's hard to forget a name like “Mayor Wormbrain.”

ALT PANEL 1 Later that night, Razzlynette and Razzlynella are still resting in the coffin. Razzlynette: So how did you enjoy your funeral? Razzlynella: Eh, it was okay I guess. PANEL 2 A view inside the coffin. Both are ruffled, Razzlynella is covered in kiss marks, and Razzlynette is buttoning up her jacket. Razzlynella: Honestly, I think dying might be kinda overrated. Not sure why everyone does it. PANEL 3 Razzlynette and Razzlynella hold each other close. Razzlynette: Well I, for one, had a lovely time tonight, and I owe it all to you. PANEL 4 Razzlynette pushes against the coffin's ceiling. Razzlynette: We should probably head home before too long, though. I'm starting to feel kind of claustrophobic. PANEL 5 Razzlynette sits up, bonking her head against the coffin roof. PANEL 6 Razzlynette and Razzlynella realize they might be trapped. Razzlynette: ...Razzlynella, are we going to die in here...? Razzlynella: Babe, I just told you that dying is overrated. END

ALT PANEL 1 Razzlynella makes her coffin comfortable. Razzlynella: Y'know, Razzlynette, there's enough room in this coffin for both of us~ PANEL 2 Razzlynette looks on in excitement, while the other three goobers stare. Razzlynette: Ooh~! I'm coming, dear~! PANEL 3 Razzlynette gets in the coffin with Razzlynella. Razzlynette: Thank you for your help! Razzlynella and I will handle things from here, so you three can just head on out, alright? PANEL 4 Razzlynette and Razzlynella slam the coffin door shut. PANEL 5 The other three goobers look on in confusion. Georgetta: What do you think they're gonna do in there? Rosco: Is that a rhetorical question? 'Cause the answer seems pretty obvious. PANEL 6 Razzlyn walks Rosco and Georgetta out of the graveyard. Razzlyn: I think it is for the best that we do not disturb the dead.

ALT PANEL 1 Razzlyn: Does anyone else have words they would like to share about Razzlynella? PANEL 2 Rosco: Nah, I still barely know who she is. Georgetta: Ooh! She and Razzlynette should come over to my place tomorrow! There's this new reality show premiering that seems right up their alley! PANEL 3 Razzlynette: Ever since I met Razzlynella, she's been someone I've felt close to... She's stood by my side through thick and thin, helped me better understand myself, and mended my broken heart... She's the only woman I've ever truly loved. Razzlyn: Hey! PANEL 4 Razzlynette: Why must the good die so young? WHY?!? PANEL 5 Razzlynella: Babe, you know I'm not actually dead, right? Razzlynette: I know, I was just trying to get in character. PANEL 6 Razzlynette: How was I, by the way? Razzlynella: I mean, for a second there you almost convinced me I really was dead.

ALT PANEL 1 Pastor Forthwith: Today, we mourn the loss of Razzlynella Blackthorne, who has committed the heinous act of "lying" to bring us all together. Razzlynella: We're just playing pretend, man. Pastor Forthwith: Yes, same difference. PANEL 2 Pastor Forthwith holds up Razzlyn's eulogy. Pastor Forthwith: And now, for a eulogy by Razzlyn Berrett. PANEL 3 Pastor Forthwith: "Razzlynella. Radiant, awe-inspiring, zzlynella. A former lover to a former lover, some would claim omniscience, and yet I remain in the dark. Dark. Dark as the void that subsumes us in the unknowable hereafter, my trademark black beret, 5PM in late November..." PANEL 4 Razzlynette: Razzlyn, what is this eulogy? Razzlyn: I said I would do what I could, and what I could was much less than I had anticipated... PANEL 5 Pastor Forthwith: Well, that's enough sin for one day! Time to wash my hands of this whole affair!

ALT PANEL 1 Razzlyn: Mr. Pastor, sir, could you help me out with something? PANEL 2 Pastor Forthwith: Oh, are you finally accepting our lord and savior Jesus Christ into your heart? Razzlyn: What? No, I'm just here because my ex-girlfriend's girlfriend is having a faux funeral for Halloween, and my friend said it would be more convincing if you read the eulogy. PANEL 3 Pastor Forthwith: You want me to help you when every single word you just said is blasphemous?! Razzlyn: Uhhh... PANEL 4 Razzlyn: Rosco, he's not budging. What do I do? Rosco: Eh, just bribe him. Dude will do anything for a crisp 20. PANEL 5 Razzlyn: Yeah, okay... Will it stop being blasphemous if I give you $20? PANEL 6 Pastor Forthwith squints, looking at Razzlyn frustratedly with his arms crossed.

ALT PANEL 1 Georgetta visits Razzlynella's house to help her prepare for her funeral. Georgetta: Alright, Razzlynella! Ready to practice being a corpse? Razzlynella: Yeah, I've been preparing for this for literally my entire life. PANEL 2 Georgetta gives Razzlynella instructions, as Razzlynella climbs into a coffin. Georgetta: Great! Now just get in your coffin, lie down, cross your arms, and close your eyes. PANEL 3 Razzlynella awaits further instruction. Razzlynella: Cool, cool. What do I do next? Georgetta: I think that's actually about it! PANEL 4 Razzlynella looks up from her coffin in disappointment. Razzlynella: Wait, so I don't get to come back and swear vengeance on the living or anything? Georgetta: I'm sorry, Razzlynella... PANEL 5 Razzlynella lies in her coffin, frustrated. Razzlynella: Man, being a corpse sucks. PANEL 6 Razzlynella thinks about it. Razzlynella: I gotta re-evaluate my priorities in life.

ALT PANEL 1 Establishing shot of It's Convenient!, which Rosco is visiting for his task. Rosco (offscreen): Alright, Ziggy! You know the drill! Gimme all your blood! PANEL 2 Ziggy (dressed as Seymour from Little Shop of Horrors) rolls up zir sleeve. Ziggy: Really? First the plant, and now you? *sigh* Just make it quick. PANEL 3 Rosco clarifies. Rosco: Oh, no, no. This time I just need fake blood, y'know, for Halloween. PANEL 4 Ziggy is confused why Rosco thinks ze'd have fake blood. Ziggy: Rosco, this is a convenience store. All we sell are snacks, beverages, cigarettes, lottery tickets, and magazines that would make your mom cry... and big bags of ice... and charcoal... and some other things. No fake blood, though. Rosco is outraged. Rosco: Ziggy, that is quitters' talk! PANEL 5 Rosco holds up a bottle of red Gatorade. Rosco: I bet I could make convincing fake blood out of, say, a bottle of red Gatorade! PANEL 6 Ziggy resigns. Ziggy: Live your dream, Rosco. Live your dream.

ALT PANEL 1 Georgetta steps forward. Georgetta: Well, as someone who's organized a funeral before, I'd love to help out! PANEL 2 Georgetta starts assigning tasks to her friends. Georgetta: Rosco, we're gonna need some decorations! Could you get us some fake blood? Rosco: I mean, I'd be able to get us real blood, but sure. PANEL 3 Georgetta asks Razzlyn for help. Georgetta: Razzlyn, you've always struck me as poetic. Think you could write a good eulogy? Razzlyn: I will do what I can. PANEL 4 Georgetta prepares her own task. Georgetta: And I will check in on the guest of honor to make sure she's ready for her big day! PANEL 5 Georgetta pulls her friends closer. Georgetta: C'mon, guys! Let's give Razzlynella the funeral of a lifetime! PANEL 6 Georgetta forms a team name, leaving Razzlyn and Rosco confused. Georgetta: Super Awesome Funeral Lovers' Magical Star Force 3 is GO! Razzlyn: (What?) Rosco: (Just roll with it.)

ALT PANEL 1 Razzlyn looks over to Rosco and Georgetta. Razzlyn: Rosco, Georgetta, I just got a call from Razzlynette. She wants us to organize a funeral for Razzlynella. PANEL 2 Georgetta is shocked, while Rosco is confused. Georgetta: Oh my god, Razzlynella's dead?!? Rosco: Who's Razzlynella...? PANEL 3 Razzlyn clears things up. Razzlyn: Razzlynella is Razzlynette's girlfriend, and she is NOT dead! PANEL 4 Rosco tries to offer a helping hand. Rosco: Does she wanna be? 'Cause that can be arranged. PANEL 5 Razzlyn discourages that. Razzlyn: I do not think Razzlynette would ask us to kill her girlfriend.

ALT PANEL 1 Razzlynette: Hello, is this Razzlyn? I need to ask a favor of you. Razzlyn: Oh, hi Razzlynette! What do you need? PANEL 2 Razzlynette: So last week, Razzlynella was strolling through the graveyard, as she does, when she stumbled upon your tombstone. PANEL 3 Razzlynette: She told me that between you kind of having a funeral, and me kind of having a funeral, that she feels left out. So we were wondering... PANEL 4 Razzlynette: Could you and your friends help organize a funeral for my dear Razzlynella? Razzlynella: Having a funeral on Halloween would do so much for my goth cred... PANEL 5 Razzlyn: I think that could be arranged. Razzlynette: Great! That is all I needed to hear. PANEL 6 Razzlynette: Okay, bye! I love you! (But not in that way) (Anymore) *BOOP!*

ALT A title card for the Goober Grove Halloween Special: Funeral for an Ex-Girlfriend's Girlfriend by Jasmine Wright. The title is written on a coffin in the middle of a cemetery.

ALT PANEL 1 Georgetta checks in on Rosco, who has his face pressed against the panel's border. Georgetta: Hey, Rosco! Whatcha doin'? Rosco: I'm trying to hear things on the other side of this wall. PANEL 2 Rosco explains the wall to Georgetta. Rosco: I've heard that if you listen closely, you can hear the future! Georgetta: Ooh, I wanna give it a try! PANEL 3 Georgetta presses her head against the panel border while Rosco lays in the grass besides her. Rosco: So what do you hear? PANEL 4 Georgetta looks back at Rosco. Georgetta: All I can hear is a really disappointing punchline.

ALT PANEL 1 Rosco sits in the middle of the woods, speaking to someone offscreen. Rosco: Recently I've been thinking of eating more raw chicken, y'know, so I can build up a resistance to salmonella. PANEL 2 Zoom out to reveal Rosco talking to a translucent, pure-orange projection of Ziggy. Rosco: What do you think, Imaginary Ziggy? PANEL 3 Imaginary Ziggy thinks about Rosco's statement. Imaginary Ziggy: I think I am a figment of your imagination you created to cope with the fact the real Ziggy doesn't like you very much. PANEL 4 Rosco looks back at Imaginary Ziggy with his arms crossed, upset at zir statement. Rosco: You're nowhere near as good as the real thing.

ALT PANEL 1 Pastor Forthwith stands behind a podium in the Goober Grove Graveyard. Pastor Forthwith: We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of our dear friend, miss Razzlynette Byrd... PANEL 2 Pastor Forthwith gestures to the empty casket behind him. Pastor Forthwith: Whose grizzly death was so horrific, her family requested an empty-casket funeral. PANEL 3 Pastor Forthwith gestures to Begonia to take the podium. Pastor Forthwith: Leading us in today's service will be Mrs. Begonia Bellwether. Begonia: Thank you. PANEL 4 Begonia: Razzlynette is someone I've always felt very close to. She's someone I connected with so well, she almost felt like a long-lost family member... PANEL 5 A cut back to the crowd, where Razzlyn and Razzlynette are sitting. Razzlyn: It feels so weird to be attending Razzlynette's funeral... Razzlynette: Yeah... PANEL 6 Razzlynette expresses her surprise to Razzlyn. Razzlynette: I mean I know I have a common name, but I didn't realize it was THAT common!

ALT PANEL 1 Razzlyn and Georgetta are watching an old sci-fi movie in Razzlyn's living room, with the TV showing a sweaty woman in a tank top holding a laser pistol as an alien monster's silhouette is visible on the back wall. Razzlyn: Is it just me, or did they always find the hottest women to act in these old sci-fi movies? PANEL 2 View of Razzlyn and Georgetta on the couch. Georgetta has her right hand in a bucket of popcorn. Georgetta: It's not just you. That woman is a certified MILI. PANEL 3 Razzlyn is confused, while Georgetta eats her popcorn. Razzlyn: MILI...? Is that supposed to be an acronym or something? PANEL 4 Georgetta tries to explain while Razzlyn watches the movie. Georgetta: Yeah, y'know! “Mama I'd like to ILI!” Razzlyn: That clarifies nothing.