I used to be hotter and funnier and more important. I still work with wood.
Far away, up north
Joined April 2017
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Howdy, Twitter. It’s been like 6ish months? I’m 30 and tonight I heard a Chappell Roan song that seemed super inappropriate because it reminded me of every song I was obsessed with I when I was 15, and that was half my life ago.
I hope you’re all doing beautifully, too.
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This is where we’re fuckin at and I am weeping.
It’s perfect, it’s glowing, it’s all my sweat and my blood and my tears, and it’s mine.
I will never ever do it again, but it was all worth it, and then some.
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Sitting in my Barcalounger listening to the radio on the 1956 Magnavox, Squeeg and Big Mouth Billy Bass on deck.
I’m your hot suburban dad and I am at peace.
I have had a small bruise on my chin (sex related, don’t worry about it) since Saturday and today I casually mentioned it & TWO separate people, both of whom I’ve seen at least twice since, said “oh, I just figured it was dirt.”
They thought I had dirt on my face. FOR TWO DAYS.
My 2026 prediction is that the summer bop is Taylor Swift singing about balls that weren’t worth kicking at the last minute.
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I for one love that Taylor Swift has finally found a man who’s impossible to write a compelling song about.
Hey guys, just wanted to say I’ve grown up a lot and I handle my problems like a super healthy well adjusted adult now 👍
Tbh I think I should be able to file charges if you emotionally stress my dog, this could be an exciting new field of law maybe?
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Squeegee says goodnight (I have to tuck her in exactly like this with all the blankets straight and her head on the pillow or else she wakes up at 3 am and I am obligated to fix it)
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“Where I Go To Drink Beer Alone” is a very important concept to me, and an aesthetic I absolutely nail.
I am almost 30 and if I don’t spend at least 1 hour after work every day sitting in a comfy chair in the corner of the living room and staring at nothing, I will lose my goddamn mind.
In 2024, I’m reclaiming dancing around my apartment in my underwear every night, and I ain’t showin nobody.
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