Borussia Teeth FC

Good to know the players at this football club fight for the badge eh?

Back at it tonight in the new strip, handsomely repped by our resident models. UPTHETEETH- Match updates to follow #keeponbrushing

BREAKING NEWS: Teeth are delighted to announce they have beaten Newcastle to secure the signing of Swindon's answer to Iniesta... SPUDLOW 🥳

@SkySportsNews shut the fuck up?

NEW SIGNING KLAXON : Making his debut tonight is superstar winger @mickeycowan4. Our first signing of the summer window. When asked on his feelings on joining this club, he simply said, ‘Up the Teeth’. He’s one of us now. Get amongst it.

Signing off tonight by announcing permanent deals for our trialists, Dave Woods and Matt Kenyon. Dave looks happy to have signed, meanwhile Matt looks like he’d rather be on the unemployment line. Wish them the best of luck in their Pay As You Play deals.

1-0 to the Teeth! Get in Glen!

Walker pounces on a poor touch, makes it 4-0 to the Teeth!

Just like that, 2-0 to the Teeth. Matty with both goals💪

PROMOTION: A successful season in the championship saw us come 2nd. The new season starts tonight in the Premiership and we look forward to bringing you the results and stats. Season objectives: win 1 game. #upwenttheteeth #div2gotbrushed

MEET THE PLAYERS: Finally the skipper Leo Jones. We would say he runs the team, but without the running.. The self proclaimed Assist and goalscoring king, having not yet scored or assisted this season. However it’s safe to say, we love him. #uptheteeth

MEET THE PLAYERS: Next up, our pint-sized striker Glen Walker. Possibly the hardest dwarf known to man. Bags goals for fun and loves a shot be it from 5 yards or 55. Talks a good defensive game but likes to try the odd nutmeg in our own half when we’re under pressure. #uptheteeth

MEET THE PLAYERS: Up top or on the wing we have Troy Foster, blitzing pace and an eye for goal (and nothing else). His favourite song is lean back and rumour has it he can do 1,000 step overs in under a minute! #uptheteeth

MEET THE PLAYERS: Also sitting in the middle is Rob Ludlow, the true engine of the team. Runs for fun, not for purpose. And any keeper should be scared should they face him 1v1... #uptheteeth

MEET THE PLAYERS: In the midfield area we have Matty Huggins. Makes the ball stick like a Semtex grenade. Explosive shooting, and can bomb down the middle like no other. And arguably the better looking twin brother of the team. #uptheteeth

MEET THE PLAYERS: Also in our defence is Peter Huggins, our more part-time team member, tends to turn up, score and piss off again for 5/6 weeks. Still a solid player and arguably the better looking twin brother of the team #uptheteeth

MEET THE PLAYERS: Next up we have Kieren Robertson, just stay out of his fucking way. A true Sunday league footballer. Demonstrates the route one long ball well, and we mean a very, very long ball..