VLegacies

Puddle Sometimes I wonder if I left a mark on the people I'll probably never see again. Frustrating, how many nights I've spent thinking about strangers who aren't strangers to me. Not forgotten though — filed away in this weird memory-keeping system my brain runs, some elderly man, my name spelled wrong, a hint of Alzheimer's, sipping tea, reminiscing. Or just my ADHD, wearing a different coat. I think it's the same thing. If only the rising tide of feeling that fills the sail of talent and will would let me take the helm. Instead I drift, in a sea that could swallow me whole any given night. I want land. Something that stands. Something the big bad wolf can't just blow down. Something I could be proud of — or that everyone standing near me could be proud to stand near. But brick by brick, the mentality crumbles. Whatever's supposed to be mortar erodes them instead. And I'm just sitting there — a puddle, failing to hold my own weight.

I always felt like maybe I was two. For a long time, I wondered if that meant something was wrong with me. I thought maybe I was crazy to wear a mask. But deep down… that mask protected me. I shifted. I shaped myself. I molded into what I thought others wanted to see. Pieces of me chipped away — glued back together by societal ridicule. Words became hammers. Each one carving. Splitting. Until I stood divided. The soft-spoken presence who hid in the light. And the darker persona who wanted to entrance them all. Night and day. Playing their roles like characters in the stories I created. But as time moved forward… I began to notice something. The lines blurred. Little by little — like a thousand tiny jigsaw pieces — I began putting myself back together. Not as one side. Not as the other. But as something whole. A new silhouette. A phoenix rising from its own ashes. A rebirth, if you will. And every new beginning starts with an introduction. Henceforth… I am Solas Eclipse. In certain spaces, I will maintain my previous form. (IRIAM) But in most places, you will see me as I am now. Not divided. Not masked. Just complete. I hope you’ll walk with me into what comes next. — Solas Eclipse