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Profanisaurus

@VProfanisaurus

Tweeting profane words and expressions from the Profanisaurus. UNOFFICIAL. PARODY.

 The Bigg Market
Joined January 2013
  • Tweets1.8K
  • Following10.4K
  • Followers20.5K
four ball Paul: n. A bullshitter who, if you told him you had 3 testicles, would have to go one better. Also racunteur, twat o'nine tales, Bertie big bollocks, two shits.
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Vin Diesel: 1. n. prop. Gravel-voiced, bald actor who always wears sunglasses. 2. n. Happy Shopper wine costing less than £2, and which leaves one gravel-voiced, bald and wearing sunglasses. Screwtop.
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133
tea strainer: n. A bowel movement that is forcibly withheld during teabreak so that one can have a tom tit and get paid for the pleasure. Time and a turd, taking one on the company's time.
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45
6
121
M & S turd: euph. A shite which is worthy of special attention due to its exceptional quality. “This is not just a turd, this is a five-day matured, chicken vindaloo with garlic naan and eight bottles of Cobra turd.”
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35
4
101
R Kelly weather: n. A chill in the air during the summer. When the temperature is "dipping into the teens". From the singer's alleged, though we must stress completely unproven, penchant for cooling meteorological conditions.
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nangerine: adj. The characteristic orange skin tone of biddies who over-winter in Tenerife.
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6,446
drop shot: n. An expertly executed hockle, neatly nutmegged between the thighs, the rim of the shit-pan and the Autotrader while sat on the shitter.
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4,610
mid-loaf crisis: n. Anything that spoils the enjoyment of a good tom tit, eg. A doorbell or telephone ringing, a dawning realisation that there is no bumwad, or a policeman approaching the shop doorway.
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23,796
virgin poo: n. The first turd laid at work after the cleaning lady has scrubbed the rim.
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6,253
gentle giant: n. A shit so big that it brings tears to your eyes, but which gently kisses you on the cheek just before it leaves. A French lodger.
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34,794
greggings: n. The seemingly standard lower-body attire of ladies about town who have, one might infer, a penchant for pies.
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9,808
coke zero: n. Bacon powder that contains little or no genuine sniff.
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5,168
owner operator: n. A lorry driver who sheds his load wherever the fancy takes him.
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meat and two veg: n. A gentleman's undercarriage. A pork sausage and a couple of love spuds.
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6,295
plasterer's radio: sim. Descriptive of a lucky lady who is heavily adorned with jelly jewellery. Frequently found on Japanese and American cyber-scud.
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8,538
chin: v. To successfully belabour in a bout of fisticuffs. 'I could fucking chin him, easy.'
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7,082
fubes: n. 13 amp, usually ginger, pubes. Contraction of fusewire + pubes.
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6,928
Greggs tie: n. The vertical pasty-flake mess that adorns the front of your shirt, jumper or vest following the swift and careless consumption of a prolish comestible.
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10,283
tea chicken: n. Game played by severely hungover flatmates, whereby they all sit immobile waiting for the first one to bottle it and offer to put the kettle on.
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6,990
mid-loaf crisis: n. Anything that spoils the enjoyment of a good tom tit, eg. A doorbell or telephone ringing, a dawning realisation that there is no bumwad, or a policeman approaching the shop doorway.
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26
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132
23,796
bum lungs: n. Additional, apparently rectally situated, breathing apparatus which allows members of the fairer sex to speak for extended periods of time without pausing for breath.
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9,800
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