*me on the phone with Jordan*
Jordan - "I really like that toothpaste I had."
Me - "but you kept spitting it out"
*Jordan hangs up*
On my way home from work Martha called and said, "Fuck you and your allergies!" And proceeded to hang up.
@32marthar
Conversation between my father and our 8 year old cousin.
8 y/o: what're you doing
Grant, (who is peeing outside): watering the garden
8 y/o: it's on the other side
Grant: it'll reach
8 y/o: woah
Richardson, Elliot retweeted
Pray for Kansas. Nothing is wrong they just don’t have a Whataburger – at Los Angeles, CA
Time to renew my friendship. #ifyougetit #youknowthesong
To celebrate the 85th anniversary of Repeal Day, we’re releasing Jim Beam Repeal Batch. Tweet which of our #BeamRepealBatch cocktails you’d celebrate with and we’ll send you the recipe.
I mean, wood floors so I don't vacuum but I use the wax on, wax off method for dishes.
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Richardson, Elliot retweeted
A compilation of some of my favorite police takedowns!
The police are not perfect, but they do their best to try to keep everyone safe and the Left are insane for demonizing these brave heroes!! #BlueLivesMatter #ThinBlueLine #MAGA
Richardson, Elliot retweeted
If you don’t watch this video of little Cal until the end, there’s no way we could be friends!
This is life changing. teapawt.net/thedad/status/10019531…
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YAHHHHHHS teapawt.net/FoxNews/status/1002070…
chubbiesshorts.com/pages/man…
Go help a good a friend achieve them dreams. #hashtagdreamchase
"You may all go to hell and I will go to Texas." teapawt.net/TexMoji/status/9710621…
Does your dog eat at the table? Does your dog use your toilet? What if my dog spends most of it's time outside? Guess I'll get rid of the down feather dog pillow I put on the floor. teapawt.net/kelllsss2/status/94972…
My brother said we were both very disagreeable with. I proceeded to tell him that I am not disagreeable.
