I really have no idea what I'm doing here @desert_musings is the best. @shell@beige.party on Mastodon, https://teapawt.net/t.co/uXt3dC7Yx3 on discord
Joined November 2020
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If you want to have a good time: bust out the old yo-yo and "walk the dog".
If you want to have a bad time: imagine a group of middle aged men dressed as Waluigi meeting in a cheap motel, writhing on the floor, eating overly ripe plums off a dirty carpet, moaning in dark ecstasy.
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I was fired from Twitter this morning. I was responsible for the clattering in the walls, the sighing through endlessly branching florescent-lit hallways, the garden of forking paths dripping dark tendrils into the depths of the earth, silently drinking the ferment I grow out of.
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All this time trying to nudge an injoke out of an untouched inflight magazine as the tray sighs dreamily "table of content." So I storm off yelling turbulence for one and get a wink from opposing winds. I rough up my tie.
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In preparation for the long winter I am slathering my body with butter but for some reason my butter churn is feeling snugger than it did last year and don't tell me that's not how butter churns work or that snugger isn't a word I have to live my life on my own two buttery feet
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YEAH! BURN THIS MOTHERFUCKER TO THE GROUND! I shout from inside the burning house that I refuse to leave because I can't bear to abandon my collection of potatoes that look like shrunken heads
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On Halloween, Cyrus draped himself in cold cuts and strutted about, mimicking the vainglorious behavior of the living. The other skeletons rattled with laughter.
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Cleaning up old dump sites for the county we came across a severed finger. I took it home & awoke to the sound of it tapping on my phone screen FIND THE REST OF ME. As it inched across town, I followed it, horrified. It lead me to a feller likes to repair lawnmowers while drunk.
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The endless puttering, the mumbling, an occasional rustic curse, 'tis but a wax in the ear passing the sirens, to keep them from singing a subpoena of even deeper madness
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I need someone from The Witcher team to leak everything I am simply too nosy what kind of shit do you have to pull to make a LEAD ACTOR leave lmaooo
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A recent study has shown that most people are fucking idiots. One researcher commented, "we already knew this. It was a complete waste of time. I guess we're just fucking idiots."
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I’ve been told I look like Brad Pitt if he’d been very sick for a while. So I think I know something about being a transcendent beauty. – at Durham, NC
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Using my new fishing technique I have taunted all the fish in the pond that if they weren’t stupid dumb cowards they would come on land and fight me. Now, we wait.
