Dana Wefer, Esq.

Dear Adam, I have taken time to think about your apology. Mostly because, having made a mistake publicly before, I was keen to accept yours. It hurts when people don’t understand that you are sorry for messing up. I get that, probably more than most. But here’s the thing… I’m not sure you understand what you did wrong. And so you don’t really understand what you are apologising for or why. With that in mind, I want to help you. I didn’t know Ann, except as a powerhouse in politics and that so many people have spoken of her friendship and great loyalty. How lovely, I wish I had known her. I am utterly disinterested in her sexual prowess or the state of her virginity. But I would have enjoyed hearing you speak of her great accomplishments. Not as a woman, but simply as a human being. Here’s a list. She served in the House of Commons for 23 years and won five general elections. She served as a government minister in Social Security, Employment and the Home Office, where she was Minister of State for Prisons. She rose to become Shadow Health Secretary and then Shadow Home Secretary. She was appointed to the Privy Council. After leaving Westminster, she built an entirely new career as an author, broadcaster, documentary-maker, stage performer and television personality. Then, at the age of 71, she returned to elected politics and became a Member of the European Parliament. She was a longstanding advocate for Britain leaving the European Union and, when the political establishment failed to deliver the referendum result, she left the Conservative Party after more than 50 years and stood for the Brexit Party. She was elected as an MEP and took the argument for British independence directly into the European Parliament. She was also an unapologetic defender of free speech. She continued to speak openly on difficult and unfashionable subjects when others chose silence, it was easier to do that, she accepted the criticism and hostility that came with it rather than surrendering her convictions. Her Catholic faith was central to her life. She converted to Catholicism, met Pope John Paul II in Rome and was later made a Dame of the Order of St Gregory the Great by Pope Benedict XVI for her service to politics and public life. She remained a powerful public voice well into her late seventies, defending her beliefs despite decades of ridicule and hostility. That is an extraordinary life of public service, courage and reinvention. Yet, when asked to speak about her after her sudden and violent death, you chose to tell the country that she was a “spinster”, an “old maid” and a virgin. You discussed a failed relationship and suggested that afterwards she simply dedicated herself to other activities. Do you understand the reduction involved in that? You took the life of a highly accomplished woman and assessed it according to whether she had married, whether she had sex and whether a man had wanted her. That is what was wrong. That is what you should have known. It wasn’t simply that your words were poorly chosen or badly timed. It was the instinct to view a woman’s entire life through her relationship with men, even when her achievements should have rendered that completely irrelevant. Nobody discussing the death of an accomplished male politician would think it necessary to tell viewers whether he was a virgin, speculate about his sex life or describe him as an ageing bachelor whose romance had failed. I don’t want you cancelled. I don’t believe that people should be denied forgiveness when they make mistakes. But a meaningful apology has to identify the actual wrong. Ann was murdered after a lifetime of public service. At the moment her achievements should have been remembered, you diminished her to an unmarried woman who apparently hadn’t had sex. She deserved better than that. And I’m still not sure you get it. But every woman who watched you speak of her and then read your apology does. Bernie.