Steven Wilber

Maybe this is just the shot in the ear Democrats need.

Can’t even afford the second “O.”

The Mandela Effect? I always knew it as The Mandela Principle.

AS THREATENED, I’LL BE PLAYING SOME NIGHTINGALE (then probably some Persona 3 OVER ON TWITCH AT 3PM PACIFIC! twitch.tv/thenerfectpobody

In what will go down as the worst New Years resolution, I’m gonna start streaming stuff! Games, doodling, tepid anime takes, YOU NAME IT. Please, god, please follow me on Twitch at TheNerfectPobody and get ready to put me on in the background very soon (probably tonight)

I have this neat app on my phone that lets me know whenever my girlfriend’s on the toilet.

Why buy the cow when I can have the milk for free? ‘Cause I’m not a fucking MILK THIEF, Grandma!!!

Well, if I’m not “drinking enough water,”how come my dijon-yellow pee is so wet?

I could give two bits about a shave and a haircut.

🎶SAY IT AIN’T SO, I WILL NOT GO!🎶 - Me, whenever I’m about to leave PacSun and my favorite Weezer song starts playing

While I’ll never forgive cigarettes for what they did to my mother, I think Marlboro Man would be a very cute name for a cat.

Absolutely GUTTED over who got booted from Drag Race this week, but at least I can take comfort in that it’s the only bad thing going on in the world right now.

I remember when the biggest news story in the world was that Elizabeth Taylor was gonna be the voice of Maggie Simpson. But now it’s all this other stuff.

Starry, not Starry.

You can take my puns when you pry them from my cold yes ands.

Should be called “How the Grinch Tried to Steal Christmas but then Wussed Out Like a Freaking Coward.”

THE BEST FRIENDS (and Jack) REUNITE!!!

Twitter's dying? What am I supposed to do now, feel a crippling amount of guilt for not posting enough on coffee shop bulletin boards that then causes a lack of motivation to post on said bulletin boards?!