S.T.A.R.S. Lycan

i've spent a few hours going through nurse harrow's lore and voicelines, and i think i've finally figured out what interests me so much about her. her backstory describes her as both a saint and a cruel governess, and says that both are probably true. i don't think she's secretly some sweet old woman underneath all of that hostility, but i also don't think she's evil. i think she genuinely cares about the people she treats, and just doesn't particularly care if they like her. first point is the interaction where violet mentions her friend nicholas tsai, a boy harrow treated years ago, and she immediately remembers his posture, his dirty fingernails, and even his pet hamster's name. she remembers these little details about a child she hasn't seen in years, but can barely tolerate having a conversation with the people around her. and i think i might understand why. when i'm in pain, sometimes it's easier to just shut everything else off. being emotional doesn't make it hurt any less, and sometimes it just make everything feel so much worse. i still have things i need to do, and whether i'm hurting or not doesn't change that. i think anyone with chronic pain can relate. the world keeps moving, and you're expected to as well. i wonder if harrow has a similar way of looking at things. she's spent her life treating people suffering from supernatural possession, and we know she physically removes pain from her patients. the archmother's herald even tells her that she feels their suffering, and that it's almost more than she can bear. what if her coldness is just how she's learned to cope with that? and now that we're seeing that her face actually changes as she gains leech stacks. the markings around her eyes and cheeks become darker and almost sunken, i think that's such an interesting detail when we already know that her work involves taking on other people's suffering. i don't know if it's corruption, but i do wonder if we're seeing some of what her abilities are doing to her. especially when you look at what the patrons have to say. the archmother offers to take away the burden she's carrying, while the hidden king warns her that others in her profession have fallen to magic and psychosis. he tells her that even she has limits, and promises that summoning him would change that. neither of them seems to question whether she's suffering. they're both offering her a way out of it. we also know that seven recognizes her power from lost whisper, and that she shared a mentor with edmund volker. clearly what she does isn't unique to her, but we don't know much about that kind of magic yet. i'd really like to learn more about it. i also don't want to overlook the fact that harrow can be genuinely cruel. she talks down to people, she's controlling, and she's beyond comfortable deciding what's best for someone whether they appreciate it or not. but she also has a very clear understanding of medical ethics. she tells seven that she's never personally decided to put a patient down, and that those decisions belong to the ward, the family, and the authorities. obviously she's only been out for a few hours and this is all just my interpretation of what we've seen so far. i could be completely wrong about why she acts the way she does. but i keep thinking about how much pain she must be exposed to all the time, and how exhausting it would be to feel all of that and still have to get up every day and do it again. i don't think harrow doesn't care. i wonder if she cares so much that she's had to learn to stop letting herself feel it? i'm really curious how much of her personality is just who she is, and how much of it is something she's developed over years of having to endure what she sees as her duty.