I: "You've got to throttle `em. Withnail, I think you ought to strangle it instantly in case it starts trying to make friends with us."

Withnail: "We'll have another pair of large scotches."

Withnail: "Right you fucker. I'm going to do the washing up!"

Danny: "It is impossible to make a Camberwell Carrot with anything less."

I: "No. No. He's down here. You're in my room, I'm in his room and he's down here."

I: "There is nothing. Get to bed."

I: "I haven't touched them."

Jake: "I know where you are. You're at Crow Crag. I've been watching you. Especially you. Prancing like a tit. You want working on, boy."

I: "Withnail, you bastard! Wake up! Wake up, you bastard, or I burn this bastard bed down!"

I: "Ha ha ha ha ha."

Monty: "How right you are, how right you are. We live in a kingdom of reigns where royalty comes in gangs. Come on lads, let's get home. The sky's beginning to bruise--night must fall and we shall be forced to camp."

Withnail: "I suppose happiness is relative. I never thought it would be a polythene bag without the hole in it."

Withnail: "Rubbish. Haven't seen Gielgud down the Labour Exchange. Why doesn't he retire? Look at this little bastard. ``Boy lands plum role for top Italian director.'' Of course he does. Probably on a tenner a day and I know what for"

Withnail: "It's dinner and Danny's here."

Withnail: "Rather busy, uncle. TV and stuff. My agent's trying to edge me towards the Royal Shakespeare again."

Voice: "Telegram."

I: "You'd go if you had boots?"

Monty: "Oh, I didn't break it. Merely forced it a little. Sorry if I frightened you."

Withnail: "If I don't get aspirin I shall die here on this fucking mountain side."

I: "That's him. That's the one. Get the Jag fixed up and spend the week in the country."