Wyn Jones

Passing a herd of cows, I saw one that was a lot thinner than the others. I asked her if she'd been on the jabs. She said "No just a new diet shake". I asked if there were any downsides. "You have to convert to Islam" said the cow. "What's it called?" I asked. Moo-Slim apparently

Here's one for I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue #ISIHAC but I haven't checked if it's been done before. Extricate: Another Princess of Wales In a similar vein Willful: We have all the Princes of Wales that we need

Incontinence is nothing to be laughed at. Or sneezed at. Or coughed at.

We're all getting on a bit. My wife has started taking a tablet a day. She's blaming the menopause for her shoplifting from the Apple Store.

Wonderful evening in the company of the sublime @mrmarksteel in Wimborne tonight. Both he and Rhod Gilbert weave their torrid tales of their cancer with hilarious anecdotes, positive outlooks & great dignity. Seen him twice before, but this was rather special. Go see it. It's fab

Incredible magic from these street wizards.

Saw someone is Tesco yesterday have an epileptic seizure. He was a shop fitter.

I had a heated argument with a guy from Buenos Aires on his narrow boat. Not serious, just a little Argy Bargy.

Well that's my 6000 calories day done. Tomorrow I will be so proud of doing half of that and the day after ...? I'll wonder why I was so proud.

I'm such a product of the modern age. My daughter wrote out her Xmas list on an A4 paper, and under the word 'chocolate' she drew a red squiggly line under it for effect. My first thought went to wondering where the spelling mistake was and would I need autocorrect.

Content moderation on sites, where I talk about my favourite movies are stupid. Apparently, I now have to write - "Unalive Bill (Vol 1 and 2)", "A View to a Unalive". "The Unaliving Fields", and "Natural Born Unalivers"

Wind turbines. Not a big fan.

Still suffering from yesterday as I overdid it doing circuits. Six times I went round the buffet table!

Such joy. Loved this show.

Anyone want a free ticket for a Coldplay concert? No payment expected, but a cuddle would be nice. An employee has recently said she can't make it.

Just tried explaining my advertising in the Yellow Pages in the 90s to my 13-year-old. The look on their face when I tried to explain 000000111111.aaaaaa1 Plumbers.

Every day my wife comes home and asks me "How many steps have you done today?" Claire Richards and Faye Tozer live next door and that ONE time I was invited over and things got out of hand so now she won't let me forget it.

I recently set up a business swapping funeral cars for witches hexes. Hearses for Curses.

With Elon Musk owning this platform, the name change shouldn't have been to X. It's clear what it should be surely? Twatter.

When people talk about that 'shit football team from Manchester', I now have to ask them to be a bit more specific. #ManCity