Sacher

Dear Itunes: I know Procol Harem comes after Pink Floyd. But I want you to play an album, not by artist. Sort your life out. #DSoftheMoon

I nominate @MrJamesMay for a Shorty Award in #uk because...he's awesome and always posts quality shortyawards.com/MrJamesMay?…

I AM THE COLDEST A PERSON HAS EVER BEEN. I AM THE COLDEST PERSON ALIVE. #Clarksonisms

I once heard a song that said, "It's grim up north, but it's grimmer than that in Slough." Slough is a paradise compared to Pittsburgh today

Come, visit scenic Pittsburgh. The weather is fine right now. #Cold #Polarvortex #pittsburgh

I woke up this morning to find a penguin at the foot of my bed instead of my dog. #Cold

Now is the winter of our discontent.

It's so fucking #cold here that my dogs won't go out. They look at me as if to say, "You try pissing when the stream freezes as you tinkle"

I want a guitar. I should have asked Santa for one. I think need a further excuse to not pay attention to family and friends.

Am I the only one who dislikes New York City and LA? #BadAmerican

Happy 2014 mateys #Hurrah!

How's the holiday going Tweeple? I've been AWOL forever.

I am in love with #Ylvis . that is all. #Vegard

If @MrJamesMay wrote a dance song it would sound like this. #Ylvis youtu.be/369FGAb1iI8

#LastTimeThePiratesHadAWinningSeason the war was in Kuwait, not Syria.