> be 24-year-old marketing grad > apply for “junior creative strategist” > HR says role now called “prompt janitor” > job post: “must have 10 years herding LLMs” > interview is just me vs ChatGPT in a Google Doc > AI writes three campaigns while I sit there googling synonyms for “synergy” > be construction bro wiring new $10B data cathedral > 1,000 of us sweating, union wages, Monster energy > project finished in 18 months > tour the ribbon-cutting: 47 permanent jobs, 38 are security cameras > be Boomer actuary, thought Excel macros were peak disruption > company unveils AI that can price risk before I finish my bagel > ask boss what I should do now > “you can retire or retrain as an AI petting-zoo guide” > choose layoff, unemployment rate for degree holders now higher than national average > be 19-year-old barista, smug because coffee is “irreducibly human” > corporate installs robotic arm that draws Taylor Swift in the foam > customers tip the arm Bitcoin, tip me exposure > start YouTube channel “Latte Art ASMR with Emotional Damage” > be Fortune-500 CEO on earnings call > analyst: “How many jobs will AI cut?” > me: “Zero, we’ll just grow without hiring.” > stock pops 8% > send tweet: “AI won’t replace people, people who own AI will.” > win philanthropy award same day > be entire American workforce > get told to “upskill” into the 69 million new AI jobs > 70% of them are just explaining to Boomers why their PDF is haunted > other 30% require 10 years experience in models released last Tuesday > apply anyway, receive auto-rejection written by same model > unemployment benefits site crashes > hosted on an AI data center with 2 DOGE interns > be future historian > review 2025 headlines: “GDP at record high, vibe recession for humans” > conclusion: we automated the middle class, kept the paperwork > robot tour guide says “and here are the fossils who once googled things” > gift-shop hoodie reads: “I survived the AI boom & all I got was this 1099”