Jesus is Lord. Writer. Totally not a Fed.

Virginia, USA
Joined April 2015
Jesus didn’t come to earth to save us by showing us how to be good people. He came to earth to die for us as a propitiatory sacrifice because there is no one good, no not one
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Miss Lizard retweeted
Driving on the highway in Atlanta a few moments ago I saw a car going 55mph pulling a smoker that was *actively smoking meat,* occasionally crackling, sending sparks at other cars
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Miss Lizard retweeted
Richard Fauci’s favorite documentary is 2002’s “Resident Evil.”
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Imagine being immortalized into Scripture, and you're described, "He wanted to see who Jesus was, but because he was short he could not see over the crowd" The American Male Mind cannot even.
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Poor Teddy. I’m going to miss him.
Welp, final Landlady’s mom update because I’m so angry it’s circled back around to calmness. Landlady let Teddy, the 17-year-old cat live as a trial run with her mom at the facility. A week in, Teddy died. I could have told her this would happen.
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Was lying in bed being sad about Teddy, and this little Cheeze-It decided to plunk herself down on my stomach and make biscuits. (Unlike Teddy, Roo is my cat, and thus safe from having to live with Jo.)
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Welp, final Landlady’s mom update because I’m so angry it’s circled back around to calmness. Landlady let Teddy, the 17-year-old cat live as a trial run with her mom at the facility. A week in, Teddy died. I could have told her this would happen.
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And now I’m not going to see my little buddy again, and I didn’t even get to say goodbye before she whisked him off to live with evil Jo. I get that pets aren’t people, but they are still living creatures with feelings that we are supposed to steward well.
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After 17 years, he deserved a nice peaceful rest of his life. This sucks.
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The great thing about the flashlight that I just used to clear my basement is that it has a stun gun attached. No basement boogeyman is going to get the jump on me!
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just went to the aquarium and saw an epaulette shark and my mom said “oh my god are those its eyes?!” duped, i fear, by quite literally one of the oldest tricks in the book
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Lately when the FYP feeds me screenshots of text arguments, I think about reading them before reminding myself that I wouldn’t bathe in human feces physically, so why do it spiritually?
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My non-alcoholic, cherry bourbon-infused coffee beans reek of bourbon. So, hopefully no one at Sunday School was confused by my quad shot latte…
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My motto concerning road rage comes from a source I no longer remember and goes: Don’t act crazy because you might run into someone acting sane. There’s always someone willing to take it farther. There’s always someone with less to lose. Some people don’t mind going back to jail
a man followed me for 4 exits because i tapped my horn once. not a long honk. the little polite one you do when someone doesn't notice the light turned green. i think about him every single time i get in a car now silver nissan altima. he wasn't yelling, he wasn't even mad looking. he was just staring at me in my rearview at every light, eating sunflower seeds and spitting the shells out the window one at a time like he had all day. he did have all day. i had a 2pm i didn't go home because i didn't want him to know where home was. i drove to a kroger and parked right by the entrance under the big light where the carts are, because i'd read once that's what you're supposed to do. i sat there for 25 minutes holding my keys between my fingers like i was going to fight a nissan he did one slow lap through the parking lot and left. i went inside and bought a rotisserie chicken i didn't want because i felt like i owed kroger something for keeping me alive the whole 25 minutes i kept opening my contacts trying to decide who to call and realized there was nobody i could call at 1:40pm on a tuesday without it being weird. i called my mom. she didn't pick up. she texted back "busy what's up" and i said "nothing just saying hi" that was 2019. i haven't honked since. someone cuts me off, i let them. someone sits at a green light scrolling instagram, i wait. i say "come on buddy" very quietly to my own steering wheel so nobody can hear it, not even the car my friends think i became a calm person. i didn't. i just assume everyone on the road is having the worst day of their life with a tire iron under the seat, and i'd like to make it to thursday last week a woman behind me honked because i was going exactly the speed limit. i waved at her. i don't know why i waved. she looked terrified
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To be clear, not accusing OP of road raging. Even a light, friendly honk can be enough to spark murderous tendencies, which is rightfully disturbing.
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The McDonald’s in my town has two lanes. The right lane is for people to slowly drive by as they ogle everyone sitting in the fat lane.
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Miss Lizard retweeted
Me in a magic shower of instant hot water in my house with A/C, after a big breakfast with all my healthy kids, living a life that the vast majority of humanity across time would give their left foot for: "Dear God, life is hard, I could really use some more money"
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