allison 🍤 (@allisonrandom) header
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allison 🍤

@allisonrandom

20% spreadsheets, 80% shrimp cocktail | she/her | only gives bad advice

 Illinois, USA
Instagram.com/inalsgarden
Joined August 2008
  • Tweets1.5K
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  • Followers434
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Photo by allison 🍤 (@allisonrandom)Photo by allison 🍤 (@allisonrandom)Photo by allison 🍤 (@allisonrandom)Photo by allison 🍤 (@allisonrandom)Photo by allison 🍤 (@allisonrandom)Photo by allison 🍤 (@allisonrandom)Photo by allison 🍤 (@allisonrandom)Photo by allison 🍤 (@allisonrandom)Photo by allison 🍤 (@allisonrandom)Photo by allison 🍤 (@allisonrandom)
when i die i don't want to be buried, i want to be thrown on an island and eaten by crabs
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I'm obsessed with this show
kelsey weekman (@kelsaywhat) profile picturekelsey weekman
@kelsaywhat8 Nov 2024
meanwhile, six episodes into doctor odyssey, the titular cruise ship doctor has a threeway with his direct reports
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Image from no context veep (@nocontextvp)
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Clear eyes, full hearts, fuck nazis
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Look, I knit. I knit with wool. But most wool is not ethically produced. Commercial wool production is akin to commercial egg production in animal welfare and practices. I don't want to wear polyester either, but let's not pretend natural fibers don't have problems.
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allison 🍤 retweeted
tanya (@Tanya_Sabrinaaa) profile picture
tanya@Tanya_Sabrinaaa29 Oct 2024
i'm a single issue voter. i'm single and it's an issue
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I love going to guitar class because my teacher is SO knowledgeable about so many aspects of music but then I get to tell him, for apparently the first time ever, that Green Day hates George W. Bush.
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I literally thought this was a photo of Parvati and not Genevieve
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every time someone gets eliminated this season on Survivor I think about @jonlovett in Ponderosa welcoming them back to real life and giving them a tour
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Once again spending $500 at the vet to be told my dog has a cold!
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one of my male friends recently responded to a groupchat with "btw since you're all here i'm engaged" as if we just happened to wander into the same text thread
Alby (@AlbzSFC) profile pictureAlby@AlbzSFC22 Oct 2024
If you want to know what a man’s groupchat is like, our mate has been in hospital with his mrs expecting a baby, has been replying to us to say he’ll be home tonight to play on PlayStation, and it took us asking if the baby was born for him to say, oh yeah at 1am this morning
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I broke up with someone because they said they didn't like body hair and I haven't shaved since lmao
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If I order spicy food in order to clear my sinus congestion I should be able to pay for it with my HSA.
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hellooooo if you are running the marathon this weekend let me know so I can track your bib and cheer you on!!
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Spent the last week dealing with two sick dogs. As soon as they started to improve, I am now a sick human.
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I just want it to be cloudy and 55 degrees and to run in the morning and knit in the afternoon is that too much to ask for
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I have lived in Chicago for just over two years which means I am now considering moving to Minneapolis.
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(Chicago is great, I simply have a fundamental problem where I need to make a life change every 2 years in order to feel alive)
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big awoo tonight for grinch, my favorite dog i never got to meet.
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I miss the era of survivor when people had straight up enemies
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no more hedging on votes to preserve relationships. make enemies. live laugh enemies.
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