Ally

Someone called the cops on me & told them I was breaking weed up while driving. I was eating broccoli, guys...

Red wine & @Khruangbin are a match mate in heaven *chefs kiss*

Why do ASMR videos make me feel dirty?

I want Nick to get a neck tattoo. But then I’d definitely have to get my tubes tied bc we are not having anymore kids. He won’t do it. But I want him to

I love a good full circle moment when a person who was shitty to you has an ugly kid.

If you wear a tiara on your wedding day… I’m judging you

God putting hair follicles in our butt cracks is just rude

Amber Turd… That is all.

Maybe someday I’ll come up for air. Until then, I sink.

Facebook needs to get their shit together. I just laugh reacted to somebody’s dead brother

I can’t wait to have my own home again

Coffee creamer is my religion

My dad is drunk and currently listening to a country cover of an Eminem song. Is this his midlife crisis?

The lady at Taco Bell just called our dog sexy.

How do I get @brucebuffer job?

“I’ll give you Xanax for your wedding gift” -My Grandma

Does your husband’s/boyfriend’s chewing make you want to pull your hair out or does it make you want to pull your hair out?

Read an article that says you should sing to your baby in the womb. So naturally I sang the most influential song I know. “My Neck, My Back” by Khia