iridescent • I’m just a silly little guy
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Joined February 2011
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My husband is so used to me slugging my face every night that he gets uncomfortable when I go to bed and my face is not slippery as fuck
Forgot to mention earlier I did 30 minutes of speed walking uphill on the treadmill this morning but then I puked immediately afterwards
Okay so this hair dryer was literally like $15 I don’t see the appeal in buying $100+ ones but I want an expensive one to compare lmao
Apparently this is pretty much exactly how they fold socks in the military but I made one extra step by putting them inside of each other lmao. I thought I made it up 😭
—SECRETSOFALCHEMYCALCULATEEVERYTHINGREINCARNATECROWLEY-f̶̬̉u̶̧͗c̴̢͒ḵ̴̈ ̴̢͐ţ̵͘ḥ̴́e̵̟͊ ̴̯̚f̴̦̕ȁ̸̯m̷͍̌e̷̞̚,̷̠̌ ̷̲̕f̴͍͝u̸͌͜c̴̼̓k̸̙̂ ̸̭̀t̵̪̊h̶̀ͅë̸͚́ ̸̹̑d̸̻̓r̴͕̿u̴̡͐g̷̲̽ś̷̹,̷͇͝ ̴͉̂I̸̤̎’̷̧̓m̵̖̄ ̷̝͆ó̸͉n̶̤̓ ̷͎͗c̷̢͗l̶̺̽o̶̞̎u̶̝͌d̴̫̊ ̸̞͋n̶̓ͅi̵̟̊n̸̺͂ę̴̈́ —”
“Get out of my house”
Someone: “do you have any special talents?”
Me: “THROWANOTHERONEUPINTHEGRAVEIDONTNEEDANAKPUTADOUBLESIDEDBLADEINTHEMAINVEINWATCHINGYOULEAKLIKEABROKENPIPEIMTHESOFTSPOKENTYPEBUTWHENIHANDLETHEARCHETYPEICANNOTSPEAKONLYDIGDEEPINTOABYSMALDEPRESSIONTOFINDWHATICANNOTUNSEEIMAFIENDFORTHE—
Me: “god I’m so glad I’m moving away from here I can’t stand this, and no one has even told me they’re going to miss me. I’m not going to miss you either then.”
Mom: “well you always act like you hate us 🥺”
Fucks sake I wonder why
From the other room:
Mom: “ugh! All the clean laundry in here is mixed up! Whose is whose??”
Me: *quickly starts sorting it because I know exactly whose is whose*
Mom: “stop! How do you know whose that is! You need to let me look through it!”
My mom: *taking the shoes out of the dryer that I was drying because I have to leave this morning and putting her stuff in there”
Me: “can you not do that they obviously weren’t done and I am on a time constraint this morning”
Mom: *obviously dissatisfied grumbling*
Omg good for her I love this 🥹❤️ when I lose weight and some comes off of my breasts I feel so much more confident to wear what I want without it being absurdly obscene
