john dice

i’ve been walking around in last nights caked on eyeliner and somehow the cashier guy still gave me the code to the men’s bathroom #swag

i called the suicide hotline once and the operator told me “you should probably stop having goals for now, i don’t think they’re helping you”

oh my god bro piss me a river

fleet foxes because i was a #geniusbaby

i think the thing about japanese tweet translations is that there’s a waaaayyy better way to translate the “isn’t it” part and preserve the original meaning. unfortunately that better way is to translate it as “innit”

hospital.

ill advised post 5pm nap yayyyy

the kinda bs i write when i’m phoning in an assignment and i know the professor is scared of me and my pronouns

does anyone want to put on a simlish night where bands have to play simlish versions of their songs. this is a great idea that surely everyone will want to do

shoutout to my building’s live-in caretaker for emailing us about how leaving our shoes outside the door was a fire hazard and banned before setting up an entire shoe rack outside her door…

just cast every single vote in the united states. if you voted i replaced your vote #sorry

i love being a largely asexual lesbian who gets school credit for sorting through antique gay porn #myawesomelife

new archival gay porn update: there is a weirdly endearing subgenre of photo here where the guys have their dick resting on a cutting board and hold a knife or mallet above as if going to destroy it. i say endearing because they are CHEESING in all of them