bf

me: how far is the uber husband: $22

shit my husband says: "there's nothing worse than a right wife"

our plans are measured in centuries

shit my husband says: "you were saved"

shit my husband says: “his computer science education has ruined his critical thinking skills”

shit my husband says: “the child is an mev bot”

shit my husband says: “twitter is an incomplete education”

shit my husband says: “so many good internet things i find on the internet”

shit my husband says: “i hate the inverse scroll, what are you a fucking pilot”

shit my husband says: “now that we’ve been watching house, i think every crazy person i meet has neurosyphilis”

shit my husband says: “unconscious coupling? that’s just called alcohol”

shit my husband says: “i’m ready for ai to be over”

shit my husband says: “i’m ready for alcohol to be good for you again”

shit my husband says: “maybe every time i feel sleepy i should eat something spicy”

shit my husband says: “i see wife is now in her manual labor arc”

shir my husband says: “this is the wimbledon snack!”

shit my husband says: “but is my wife ever really a lay person?”

shit my husband says: “man the future was better in the past”

shit my husband says: “you’re a couple zeros off bro”

shit my husband says: “i’m ready to be a lot more eccentric”