John macharia

When Rio Ferdinand lost his wife Rebecca to breast cancer in May 2015, he was 36 years old, approaching the end of his football career and suddenly facing the prospect of raising their three young children without their mum. Away from football, Rebecca had always been the one who kept the family organised and made sure everything was taken care of. They had three children together, Lorenz, Tate and Tia, and Rio had never imagined having to raise them on his own. Rebecca had first been diagnosed with breast cancer in 2014, and after receiving treatment, the family believed she was recovering. But in early 2015, the cancer returned and spread to her bones. Rio was faced with the terrible task of telling his children that their mum was going to pass away. He gathered them together and tried to explain what was happening. “Mum’s not going to be able to get out of here.” He explained that their mum would always be looking down on them from the sky. “She’s going to be a star.” But before he could finish, the children broke down in tears. Rebecca sadly passed away on the 1st of May 2015, aged just 34. And almost immediately, Rio began discovering how much his wife had done for their family. As a professional footballer, he’d spent most of his adult life having everything organised around him. He would get up, have breakfast with the children, take them to school and head off to training, believing he was doing his share. Now he was responsible for everything. “Where are their shoes?” “Where are their clothes?” “Where are their bags?” He even admitted that he’d never properly used the washing machine or tumble dryer. “I know what you do, but I don’t know how you work.” Rebecca had always known how the children liked their beds made, what they needed for school and how to comfort them when something was wrong. When Rio tried making their beds, the children would tell him that their mum had done it differently. He knew they weren’t trying to upset him, but he couldn’t help feeling that whatever he did wasn’t going to be good enough. At first, he tried to cope by keeping himself busy and refusing to show how badly he was struggling. He threw himself into work, and when the children were asleep, he would sometimes come downstairs and drink whisky or brandy. He later admitted that he hadn’t properly grieved because he was frightened of what might happen if he allowed himself to think about Rebecca. And he worried that his sons were copying him. Neither boy wanted to talk much about their mum, and Rio began to realise that keeping his own feelings hidden might be making things harder for them. So he started speaking to bereavement counsellors and meeting other parents who had lost their partners. For the first time, he understood that he didn’t have to pretend to be strong every minute of the day. “I’ve got to show emotion, especially for my children’s sake.” “If you need to cry, cry.” He began encouraging his children to talk about Rebecca, even when it upset them. They started using a memory jar, writing down memories of their mum and things they wanted to share with her. And slowly, Rio began learning how to be the parent they needed. In 2017, he made a BBC documentary called Being Mum and Dad, speaking openly about the mistakes he’d made and how difficult life had been since Rebecca passed. During the programme, Rebecca’s mother Janice revealed something her daughter had told her before she passed away. Despite knowing she was dying, Rebecca had been more worried about how her own mother would cope than about the children. She had absolute faith that Rio would look after them. “Rio will be a perfect mummy and daddy.” “You don’t have to worry.” And for Rio, who had spent so much time questioning whether he was doing enough for his children, those were perhaps the most important words he could have heard. #football