The Universe did start with a Big Bang - just not the kind you're thinking of.

I am the way, the truth, and the life. I am also the walrus.

Hey guys, if I was really thought adultery was a sin do you think I'd have knocked up Mary?

Sure, the Jews ARE my chosen people. But to be honest, I didn't have much to choose from.

Calling all jihadists. I've run out of virgins. Next delivery not due until early next millennium. So save yourselves the trouble.

St Peter's 2010th birthday bash last night. I got hammered and hit the dance floor. Talk about moving in mysterious ways.