The Borderline Butterfly

bpd is confusing, even for people with it. like how do i feel nothing yet feel everything at the exact same time?

BPD & Relationships: what’s something you wish your partner or friends understood about how you love? #bpd

BPD be like: Me: i love life. i have so many goals & dreams. im so happy to be here. *a switch flips* Me: who am i? why am i here? what is my purpose? i don’t belong.

BPD mood swing starter pack: 1.‘I love you.’ 2.‘I hate you.’ 3.‘Don’t ever leave me.’ 4.‘Who am I without you?’

Me: I’m done with the drama Also me, 3 minutes later: creates an entire soap opera in my head because someone used a period in their text

Therapist: You need to set boundaries Me: Got it Also me: *sets boundary* Me 5 minutes later: okay, fine, just walk all over me, it’s cool.

Me: i hate you, don’t leave me Also me: blocks you to test if you’ll try harder

everything with BPD feels so permanent every emotion every symptom every situation but when it comes to people? the only thing in our lives that feels temporary

“Your trauma made you stronger” My trauma made me scared of going to the doctors, but okay

Man these last couple years have been great for character development but horrible for my mental health

i’ll either yap your ear off or go nonverbal. theres no in between

Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there. #WorldMentalHealthDay2024

Thinking about the memory loss i’ve had since being traumatized is a hard reality to sit with. I remember certain things in flashbulb moments but never the full picture. Then i go back and forth with myself questioning whether or not it even happened. It’s tough.

Someone: “i love you” My BPD: i don’t believe you. You’re lying & just saying that because you either feel bad for me or you’re making fun of me

having quiet bpd in a relationship can be difficult to explain. like, i’m not shutting down to ignore you… i’m doing it because i’m afraid of what i might say or do if i don’t turn my pain inwards

i’ve been wired to believe that i’m the problem in any situation. someones upset? it’s me. someones mad? i did something.

one minute I’m uncomfortably shy, the next minute i’m trauma dumping to a stranger i met in a coffee shop

sometimes i think i use my mental illness to be ‘lazy’ but laziness isn’t an option when you’re mentally ill. because you are ALWAYS fighting and putting in so much god damn effort to just be here. nobody who fights that much is lazy. period.

sometimes i gaslight myself into thinking that my mental illness is actually just made up for attention & as an excuse to be ‘lazy’ - then i realize that it’s really not me telling myself that. it’s a bunch of bullshit that has been burned into my brain from other people.

happy borderline personality disorder awareness week! everyday is a great day to show up for your loved ones with bpd. but this week especially is a great time to research, learn & understand how you can better support us and help break the stigma surrounding bpd.

I either dissociate and have no concept of what time it is or im in the present moment & my body WAY too much to the point i sit and stare at the clock watching it slowly pass by completely distressed in my own skin