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brandon jensen

@brandograms

five inches taller than Bruno Mars

 Madison, WI
Joined July 2011
  • Tweets2K
  • Following779
  • Followers1.3K
193Media
Photo by brandon jensen (@brandograms)Photo by brandon jensen (@brandograms)Photo by brandon jensen (@brandograms)Photo by brandon jensen (@brandograms)Photo by brandon jensen (@brandograms)Photo by brandon jensen (@brandograms)Photo by brandon jensen (@brandograms)Photo by brandon jensen (@brandograms)Photo by brandon jensen (@brandograms)Photo by brandon jensen (@brandograms)
How did that typo make it past quality assurance
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Who is Andrew Taint
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1.5m people viewed your tweet, 27 liked it, 3 developed a deep hatred and quit their jobs to focus on making your life a living hell
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Lensa really did me dirty on this one
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Does he know how to use the app he bought
Image from brandon jensen (@brandograms)
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Not sure who needs to hear this but call 911, you are having a heart attack
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Caller says a female is putting raviolis in his gas tank.
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Feeling underdressed
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musicians are annoying
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This Fourth of July we salute the fat drunk dads and their embarrassing wives that still cling to the dead dream that’s America and the corporate colonialism that has finally become the only thing that holds this corpse of a country together Have an Independence Day from arbys
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The personal growth section in two books
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Now let’s give those fetuses guns!
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Is there a Groupon for vasectomies?
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At least we’re solving mass vapings
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Pretty crazy that in reality TV, if a murder happens the crew can’t intervene. They have to let the humans exist in their natural habitat
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Try this next time you do karaoke: Instead of “Ain’t No…” sing “Anal Sunshine When She’s Gone.” Most people won’t even notice
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Image from brandon jensen (@brandograms)
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You wish you had the power of flight? Then you’d be a flying mammal, like a bat. Bats are evil and disgusting. You wish you were evil and disgusting
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Kentucky’s a weird place. Passed a sign that said “KFC Birthplace Ahead” - who gives birth at a KFC?
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When a Fox News headline matches up with your notes 😳
Image from brandon jensen (@brandograms)
Image from brandon jensen (@brandograms)
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