Captain Mike

I hate it when people question my intelligents.

Doctor: You have a bladder infection. Me: so what does that mean, Doc? doctor: Urine trouble.

Morning to all my favorite crazies

I just referred an investment banker scammer to a scammer who is in desperate need of cryptocurrency. Man, they are both so pissed at me now and I can’t stop laughing!

I have an idea for a new diet plan so hear me out: eat naked in front of a full length mirror.

Karma works in her own way in her own time. It may not be your timing, but her timing is perfect. And she is never about revenge, rather about bringing balance through justice.

Entomologist 1: Let’s name this spider, “Long Legs” because it has long legs. Entomologist 2: Not kinky enough...

I learned a little about the ex of someone whom I admire tremendously and I want to go up to them, smack them in the head and say, “wtf were you thinking!?” Then I think back to my past, I realize I really should stfu and be grateful they learned how great they truly are.

It makes me happy to see more people seeking what really matters in relationships. Sex is one thing but opening up 1000% is a very rare gift to give anyone.