Nik Moranis

The only time grapes are most alluring is when they’re still in their container/bag in the fridge

No one should be able to see or look at coleslaw before 9am

Shout out mail carriers and @threedomusa

I took myself to Ralph’s last night and truly felt I was #healed

Alton John

Cucumber Juul pod come back to me 💔

Saying someone is “in the house” at a social gathering is funny

Geese need to learn how to shut the fuck up.

2023 STANDING FRONT FLIP

Going back to the confessional to ask what stocks I should I invest in🤷🏼‍♂️😕

It should be a rule that before you order McDonald’s breakfast you have to ask the person taking your order if you look like an “on the surface piece of shit”

Jenny Lewis said “shake it, shake it, Sugaree”

“It’s all love” as I think about every single person I’ve ever met/ever will meet during my lifetime while chomping on lightly garlic powdered pizza

I must become the Rat Czar

Zvex box of rock

It’s the time of year where my dogs take turns pissing in the same pile of leaves to show which of them is more badass

It’s giving baby yoda vibes!

Big Ed is a Big Bitch

TURNSTILExTACOxBELL