it's 3 in the morning and i am not asleep i don't understand what i did wrong or how i could possibly deserve this why is nothing permanent why try to change if my brain just decides to destroy any progress What is the Goddamn point
a dopamine detox sounds great in theory but if I think about my extenuating circumstances for like 5 minutes I start spiraling and getting really depressed so maybe the porn addiction isn't that bad
I'm in a very existential mood. I am so afraid that all the choices I'm making right now will make me unhappy in the future but the future is so uncertain I'm not even sure if it matters
ever since I was a child I have been horrified by the idea that it doesn't matter how much you wants something, you may never get it
im non-binary in a way that's useless to declare in our current gender essentialist society so it's like. whatever
gender fluid in a way where i genuinely feel more like a man and more like a woman but if i had to come out and tell people every single day no one would care after a while cus dude why can't you just fucking decide
a side effect of suicide being so prevalent in our culture is that it becomes this sort of guaranteed escape when things dont go your way. truth is most people who fail horribly dont get to run away from it. the just keep on living with it
