Cate

I untangle my headphones like I'm in an infomercial for a product that keeps your headphones from tangling.

Be the change you wish to see in the sofa

Just once when the waiter asks if I’d like to hear the specials I’d like to say no

The only debate I’m still interested in

I don’t care how fancy your restaurant is, please put a picture of the food on the menu

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou art more sweaty and more stinky.

“Oh man, it’s late” - me at 9pm

Is it still considered an Irish exit if you hug everyone goodbye and then help clean up?

There should be an early ball drop for those who plan to ring in the new year at 9pm

This old Duane Reade sign is inspiring me to write a horror movie about an evil pharmacist.

Sometimes when I hear a Bible story I think; man I’d love for an angel to visit me and reveal the perfect skincare routine for my face

I love that years ago a group of people asked themselves what Lisa’s last name should be and someone said “Turtle” and everyone agreed

If an ad on instagram is asking you to “learn more” instead of “shop now” you’re about to learn how expensive their jeans are

“Bought while drunk” should be a return option on Amazon

Kid: Would you like to buy a lemonade? Me: Do you take Apple Pay?

What the hell is this?

Browsing tiny homes on Airbnb like I don’t live in a 500sq foot apartment

Confident I have never paid correctly for produce at the self-service checkout

Marriage is 90% texting the other person what you’d like them to pick up on their way home from work

Grocery shopping, trying to figure out which band name to have for dinner

Watching Naked and Afraid harshly critiquing their shelter skills