Chanél Carstens

My boss thinks I'm watching a documentary about American internet usage. But I'm actually Googling Outkast videos.

They've already updated #OscarPistorius's Wikipedia page. #damnthatsfast #yougoelvesofwiki

Nothing worse than middle aged men on the dance floor, trying to make eye contact while slowly unbuttoning their shirts.

If I've said it once, I've said it a million times: white people don't dance, they dance floor karaoke.

There are six lesbians in the club, from what I can tell, and they've all hooked up with each other. I'll keep you posted from the DJ booth.

For some reason, every time a group of lesbians come into the club, every other girl in the club discovers her bisexuality.

Last night a guy did a jazz split on the dance floor. He was wearing cargo pants. And over-weight.

play 'can't touch this' just once, and every awkward white guy on the dance floor thinks it's his chance to get down.

There's always someone on the dance floor sniffing poppers.

Just got mistaken for a mannequin in Country Road. Yes, I am flattered.

why do microwave minutes feel so much longer than normal minutes?

Social update: white people still love kanye west's gold digger.

Every time I see these 18 year old girls dance to Icona Pop I just see her drugged out on the street, fighting and getting arrested.

i just saw someone eat a single Weetbix with hot water. that has to be the saddest meal in existence.

Heroin junkies have the most depressing instagram accounts. #junkiesofig