Chris Pinckney

Whoever was in charge of the animal costumes really phoned it in with Captain Kangaroo.

Someone should think about putting Payton Manning in a commercial.

Great White Sharks must have some egos to name themselves like that.

I’m rarely more eager than anyone. I’m just a regular amount of eag.

Egg companies should just make the eggs smaller so they don't have to charge as much.

On the one hand, I couldn't pick out all of the pictures that contained a traffic light. On the other, it's kinda cool to learn that I'm probably a robot.

If you really want to level up, I think a solid first step is to stop using the term “level up.”

I know you know I have imposter syndrome.

Disney character massages. That oughta' fix their stock price.

I don’t know the name of their mascot, but this Transfer Portal team looks stacked.

When someone zigs, I say, "How high?"

Someone should warn the giraffes.

If every day was the same in Groundhog Day, Bill Murray would wake up every morning and forget that he was repeating it.

Right now, there's a team of NFL executives trying to trademark the term "big game" ahead of the big game.

Player of the game so far is Andy Reid’s boogercicle.

It’s unnerving when my grandmother’s ghost just stops what she’s doing and stares at the dog for no reason.

My mom watched a much better game than I did last night.

I’ve only half paid attention for the past decade or so. Did we shoot down balloon boy?

I've never seen Barbara Walters and Pope Benedict XVI together at the same time. Makes you think.

Happy New Years Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve