This is not intended to put anyone down, but somewhere along the way, the community has lost sight of or at least let the lines get crossed between D/s dynamics and D/s or Top/bottom play. There isn’t anything wrong with either, but it’s important to understand the distinction.  The community is currently flooded with "performative dominance” and “performative submission” Everywhere you look, the focus is on the aesthetic, the transaction, or the ego. We see an endless cycle of degradation, humiliation, and financial gain, but we are missing the most vital ingredient of a true power exchange: The capacity for genuine care and stewardship. Many who call themselves Dominants are frustrated, claiming they can’t find authentically devoted submissives. The truth? They aren’t vetting for them. The lines have been blurred because we’ve stopped gatekeeping. We are confusing bottoms with submissives.  Bottoms are kink seekers. They are here for the rush, the impact, and the orgasm. They want to know what you can do to them. Authentic Submissives are here for the "lead." They seek the psychological peace of structure and the growth that comes from your guidance. They want to know how they can serve the vision. Now, I’m sure I’m not the only one to notice the countless profiles that all have the same feel, the same tone, and the same theme with regard to content and messaging. But what kind of person are they attracting? The reason many Dominants sound the same is that they are chasing compliance rather than devotion. And again, there is nothing wrong with that, but you need to understand you attract what you put out into the universe.  Please consider these points if you wish to break away from sheer compliance, or performative submission in hopes to gain authentically devoted submission. - Many rely on "BDSM 101" phrases and generic rules. (Or they just simply copy a peer) An authentically devoted submissive isn't looking for a drill sergeant or a cookie cutter, they are looking for a leader who sees them specifically, and can help them grow in a dynamic. - Often, the community focuses on what the Dominant gets (service, ego strokes, and power). A devoted submissive is looking for what the Dominant provides (stewardship, growth, and direction). - Authentic devotion is built on trust, which requires a high level of emotional intelligence. Many Dominants skip the "building" phase and jump straight to the "demanding" phase. If you don't vet for character and the "why" behind the submission, you aren't building a dynamic, you’re just providing a service. (And that’s ok, so long as everyone understands the difference and the expectations are mutually understood) To attract a truly devoted heart, you must move beyond being a service provider for kinks. A standout Dominant is a shepherd, not a drill sergeant. Some of these factors are what I personally use to make the distinction between performative dominance, and dynamic based dominance.  -Radical Intentionality: Every rule must have a purpose. If your leadership doesn't make your submissive a better version of themselves, you aren't leading—you’re just bossing someone around. -EQ (emotional intelligence) over Ego: True power is calm. It’s the ability to read your submissive’s vulnerabilities and handle them with care. Showing concern isn't "breaking character"—it’s the foundation of the trust required for total surrender. -Consistency: Devotion is a response to safety. Be the rock. Be the person whose word is absolute and whose presence is grounding. If you treat submission as a commodity or a tool for your own ego, you will only ever attract tourists. If you want a submissive who is irreplaceable, you must become a leader who is irreplaceable. To do this, you must also be authentic.  Stop looking for compliance and start inspiring devotion. True dominance is responsibility not a trophy. -Sir Garnet