Awooga Mazda

[writing erotica] her smell was irresistible, like a freshly opened pack of yugioh cards

Going on tinder feels like walking around your hometown and seeing crackheads wearing diamond supply co and gauge earrings being high on fent

*grabbing the arm of an effective altruist* If you're so rational why can't you stop hitting yourself

The team you have in a JRPG when you’re trying to level up characters you don’t use as often

What arguing with a bot on twitter feels like

I am a Zillennial i.e. a Millennial with Chinese characteristics

Date: So tell me about yourself Me: When I'm doing lateral raises at the gym I like to pretend I'm a beautiful bird flapping its majestic wings Date: Why does this keep happening

Tragic: local man did not do the best he could with the information he had at the time

Love fucking around (sitting in the shade of a tree) Hate finding out (planting trees in whose shade I shall never sit)

You are in love with an anime waifu I am in love with a Queen of Spades I once saw in a deck of playing cards We are not the same

Jungians reading binary be like: uroboros phallus uroboros uroboros uroboros phallus uroboros phallus

mfers have nine friends and think they're akatsuki

you know the nap is bout to be fire when you lie down and start twitching

Being a tyrannical overlord ain't what it used to be... henchmen don't even say "duhhh ok boss" no more

Reject modernity (scrolling through social media) Embrace tradition (gazing longingly at one's own reflection)

I do not know what a "hater" is. I merely have fake arguments with people in my head

Me, buying weed: Lemme get your weakest shit

We were dead matter and now we're having a conscious experience. What is a "scrum meeting"

won't let the 'donate your eclipse glasses' crowd take away my God-given right to recreationally stare directly at the sun whenever I want

Went to see the eclipse today and someone booed when the sun came back. The audacity

Date: So tell me about yourself Me: Whenever I’m on the treadmill I like to pretend I’m the sole source of energy for a microscopic civilization. While appreciative, they are also astonished by my massive power and size. I am their Sun Date: Why does this keep happening