Dee Chan

You don’t get to tell me what to do. You’re not my dog.

Dear vegetarians, If you love animals so much, why do you eat all of their food?

- How can you eat this much? Me: I didn’t ask for these powers, I was given them.

I saw someone talk to their dog like it understood. I went home, told my cat... we laughed a lot.

“I’ve never been so hungry in my entire life....” -Me every half hour.

Pizza bites are just Italian gushers

[Single people on Valentines Day] What do you mean today is Valentines Day? Today is THURS-Day.

Valentine’s Day can be a bit stressful. I mean it’s almost here and I don’t know what to get myself.

Him - I’m a very low drama type. Easy going. Don’t get mad or upset easily. I hope to find that in a girlfriend also. Me - Welp. I’m a girl. Dating us is like an extreme sport. May the odds be in your favour.

Was @adamlevine a clearance item for the halftime show? #SuperBowI

You know when you push a door and it doesn’t open but then someone says to pull? Like ya, no dude... my next plan was to lift it from the bottom...

I ran out of coffee today.... whisky seemed like a reasonable replacement. Why does everyone want to fight today... *sips on whisky

It’s disrespectful outside.

When I find my perfect match on tinder “He’s very handsome, tall, superliked me and has his shit together” Me: Swipes left

People who parallel park just want attention.

I once blocked someone for saying pizza sucks.... I don’t need that type of negativity in my life.

No, I don’t want to come to your dog’s birthday party... Freak. My cat is getting married that weekend.

[Moms today be like] it’s too cold outside for you to go to school today [Those kids grow up to be like] Hey boss, I can’t come into work today. My mom said it’s too cold outside

Me: strong, intelligent, independent woman Also me: BUS-IN-ESS

I’m no expert in interior design but if you put away the 17 loads of laundry on your floor, you’d be surprise how much more room you have