dire homo • writer • one page rpgs • ONCE UPON A TOME (2022) • ISABELLA NAGG AND THE POT OF BASIL 🌱 (2025) • THE DEVIL AND MRS GOOCH 🔥 (2026)
Manchester, England
Joined June 2017
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novel release day! The Devil and Mrs Gooch is in bookstores. if you like giant evil businesswomen with the attitude of a snowplough, little furry demon guys, mysteriously french undead concierges, or pigs who can sew, i wrote this for you
🔗: wwnorton.com/books/978132412…
ALT my bookshelf, with a copy of The Devil and Mrs Gooch, feat. the eponymous Gwendolyn Gooch who has the goatlike Devil in a leash and collar by her feet
OSIRIS: my beloved wife thank you for finding almost all my pieces and restoring me to life
ISIS: you're welcome
OSIRIS: but you really couldn't find my penis
ISIS: no it vanished. complete mystery
ANUBIS: isis i have the mummified paperweight you wanted
ISIS: not now anubis
years of trying to figure out the most efficient tools for getting any writing done and I am ashamed to report the correct answer is a stack of notebooks, a flat nib and an inkwell, the monks were right. somewhat related but I might have to kill myself
ALT It's an open notebook and an inkwell on my desk
I'm sorry but I'm not taking advice on preparing food from anyone who is thinner than me, I just don't think it's credible to suggest you are enjoying it as much as I am
my favourite part of le morte d'arthur is the bit where the lady Iseult calls Sir Dinadan out for having precisely zero bitches
ALT n excerpt from the norton critical edition of le mort d'arthur where Le Beall Isode says "why ar ye a knyght and ar no lovear...ye may nat be called a good knyght by reson but yf ye make a quarrel for a lady"
I think I need a butler. I wake up and I just lie here like kafka's beetle doing nothing when I know that some tea and my slippers would fix everything but they are so far away (5 meters)
Oliver Darkshire 🌈 retweeted
It’s been a long morning and will be a longer afternoon. I’m eating heartily if not healthily and one glass of excellent Greek wine won’t hurt. Half an hour’s reading of @deathbybadger’s Once Upon a Tome will restore my equilibrium for the afternoon. #readingndrinking
love the endless debate between tolkien and cs lewis as if they were two different schools of fantasy when if you plot them on the graph between cave paintings and romantasy they are basically touching butts together somewhere in the middle
you're laughing. the pope is about to resurrect an entire 20 necron unit in round 4, completely locking down the central objective, and you're laughing
god forbid I should hold it together long enough to demand answers, whereupon they will say things like "oh, we'll send another form but it will take ten days", england has a finite landmass, madam, are you sending it on a horse you've shot in the leg
I will prep for D&D night like i sure hope my players enjoy this subtle, intrigue filled drow opera adventure it took me 6 hours to write, and then the paladin will dive on stage (naked, somehow) due to an admirable but ill timed case of acute lesbianism and i crumple up my notes
putting my d&d group through the City of Spiders (which is matriarchal) and one of the guys says it's strange and upsetting because it feels like his male character is a second class citizen, and I am sat there like okay clearly this storyline was more necessary than I realized
i try and give sacha simple paladin guidelines like "be nice to people" and "don't stab prisoners through the middle to please a bloodthirsty crowd" but unfortunately there's a slab of muscle where his brain should be so he sees them all as rubix cubes designed by immanuel kant
"but i would WANT the mutant cure if my x man power was crab genitals/death boobs/toothbrush fingers" okay well this is not a gotcha this sort of nuance is what the x men are about, you are *supposed* to be asking questions about conformity and identity, 10/10 champ well done
trying to explain the intricacies of british class politics to an outsider not spawned in the seething swamps of england and boiling it down to: you are born a blood magic vampire or a disgusting mud troll, you can be a rich troll or a poor vampire but you can never switch groups
Oliver Darkshire 🌈 retweeted
Next up is a book that comes very highly recommended from both my wife and daughter. Isabella Nagg and the Pot of Basil. A fantasy comedy by @deathbybadger
I am hoping for good things
happy birthday sad space robot
ALT a one page rpg called space junk cyberpunk, its about a robot in space and its your birthday, but it actually makes me too sad to type it all out again