The Developer's Life

ALT /* inspired by many hours without sleep and a brainstorm on twitter */ Boss: Congratulations for your work. It was very good and our client already called twice just to say thanks... Boss: By the way, that salary increase you asked was already approved... (At home) TRIMMMMMMM! (Alarm clock) Programmer (waking up): Damn!! -- T-shirt: void

ALT You're bitten by a radioactive spider Fiction: You get super powers (Spiderman) Reality: You die of cancer You're struck by a lightning Fiction: You get super powers (Flash) Reality: You die (not always) You type some weird character sequence Fiction: You get super powers (Freakazoid!) Reality: iOS crash! -- T-shirt: ?????? ??? ? ??? ? ??? ? ??????? ??? ?

ALT string sender = "@diego_rsilva"; Wife: Honey, did you search in the internet that thing I asked you earlier today? Programmer: No, sorry, I had no time. I had a lot of things to do... Wife: A lot of things? But you spent all day in front of the computer... -- T-shirt: Lambda calculus

ALT string sender = "@diego_rsilva"; Wife: Honey, did you search in the internet that thing I asked you earlier today? Programmer: No, sorry, I had no time. I had a lot of things to do... Wife: A lot of things? But you spent all day in front of the computer... -- T-shirt: Lambda calculus

ALT Friend: Dude, the sky was cloudy last night, i haven't seen the eclipse. Programmer: I saw. (Programmer sad face) -- T-shirt: The eclipse lasted all night

ALT real story; string sender = "Stefano"; Boss: We have to create a website on 15 days! Programmer: But it's a simple site, just html and css? Boss: No. A complete one, with pictures too! (Programmer's glass breaking) -- T-shirt: 3. protect own existence

ALT real story; string sender; sender = "Rodrigo Ottero; Boss: How is the development of that phone app? Programmer: Well, using only one resource, at part-time, I estimate 25 days... Boss: But why will it take so long? Programmer: <Detailed Explanation> Boss: But the cell phone is much smaller than a computer, how could it take longer to develop an app to it?? -- T-shirt: I.T. iPhone /home

ALT real story; string sender = "Eduardo"; Alonso: Ready! I finished the integration table from user's database to our database... (Later...) Programmer: Alonso, why didn't you store our database ID in the integration table? Alonso: Well, no one told me the user wants that thing... Programmer: PLOP! -- T-shirt: AlonSQL Error

ALT real story; string sender; sender = "Breno Alencar"; User: There's an error in your system! Programmer: What's the error? User: I don't understand it... Programmer: Okay... Take a screenshot and send it on my email User: How can I do it? Programmer: There's anyone working with technical support in your company? User: Yes... It's me! -- T-shirt: (Pacman face)

ALT Boss: I will explain the requirements and I need your full attention. Please, put your phone on flight mode to avoid interferences... Programmer: ok... (Programmer turns phone on flight mode and it flies) -- T-shirt: If Woody Had Gone Right to the Police...

ALT real story; string sender; sender = "Victor G."; User: Since you updated the system my computer is writing everything on capital letters! Programmer: Tell me, is there a little light turned on at your keyboard written "caps Lock" or an "A"? User: Yes! Programmer: So press "Caps Lock" key at the left border of your keyboard... User: It works!! When did you install this key here? (Programmer's glass crashes) -- T-shirt: I'm not the support guy

ALT real story; string sender; sender = "Fabrício Olmo Aride"; Boss (on the phone): Hi, it's the boss. I will get in late, so I jotted down what I want you to do in the meantime... Programmer: Yeah, go ahead ... <silence> Boss: Look, I'll call you back in a bit... I just can't understand what I wrote... Programmer: PLOP! -- T-shirt: It's okay, I never understand what you really want

ALT real story; string sender; sender = "Gramathur"; Designer: Man, I got a new job to us. The client wants it in two months. I'll draw the layout and you do the programming Programmer: ok (Three weeks later...) Programmer: Dude, where's the layout? I need it now... Designer: ok. I just sent it to your email... Designer (at phone): Hi! Jerry? I just sent the layout to the programmer. So, tomorrow your site will be online! -- T-shirt: 404

ALT real story; string sender; sender = "André Barreto"; Boss: I have a new project to you, guys... It's for a new customer Programmer: Cool. What do they need? Boss: I don't know yet. But you can start to code while I will go there to ask... -- T-shirt: (Darth Vader) I am your coder

ALT real story; string sender = "Daniel Chaves"; (It happened on a Programmer's Day) Friend: Hey, happy Programmer's Day! Programmer: Thanks! You too! Friend: What?? No, no way!! God! I'm not a programmer! No, God forbid! Programmer: PLOP! -- T-shirt: One day I'll laugh...

ALT Programmer: So... Did you go out with gisele? Alex: We broke up... She thought I was lying to her... Programmer: Were you? Alex: No... We went to my home, so now she thinks I have a son and didn&#39;t told her... She said that only if I have a child I would have so many "eletronic toys"... Programmer: Sad... -- T-shirt: I <3 gadgets

ALT real story; string sender = "Fernando Rodrigo Cardoso"; Boss: The report is inconsistent, you&#39;ll have to rewrite it. Programmer: What&#39;s going on? Boss: When I ask a report without any filter, it shows all records. But if I set a filter, it shows only part of the records... -- T-shirt: Shift + Del

ALT Alonso: It&#39;s curious how many guys from our area are married with psychologists. I wonder why... Programmer: No!! No!! No!! It&#39;s a string, you stupid machine who doesn&#39;t even makes coffee! A.P.: Do I need to answer? Programmer: Sorry... I should not yell at you

ALT /* True story sent by Erisvaldo Carvalho */ Manager: What code is it that you&#39;re trying to fix? Programmer: SQL... Manager: Hmmm... Let me see it... Manager: I wonder that the error is there on these -- (minus minus), because "minus minus" equals "plus"... It&#39;s a calculus fail

ALT real story; string sender = "Wender Fernandes"; Boss: The system report is not good enough. Can you make the title more prominent? Programmer: More prominent? Only if I print it blinking! Boss: Is it hard to do? Programmer: PLOP! -- Camiseta: &lt;blink&gt;?&lt;/blink&gt;