LISTEN HERE, JEREMY DALE HAMBLY, ALSO KNOWN AS @THEQUARTERING, ALSO KNOWN AS JABRONI PHILLIPS, YOUR ASS IS OURS AND THERE AIN’T NO ESCAPING IT. YOUR LIFE IS THE TRUMAN SHOW BUT IT’S THE FAKE MAN SHOW BECAUSE YOU AIN’T GOT NO BALLS AND A DUDE IN A DRESS COULD SLAP YOU AROUND WITHOUT BREAKING A SWEAT. WELL WE’RE GONNA SLAP YOU AROUND LEGALLY, YOU DRUNKEN-FOOT-TOUCHING MOTHERFUCKER, HE WHO IS WORSE THAN HASAN WITH ANIMALS, THE SAME GREASY LITTLE RAT WHO SCAMMED LADY SAVVY OUT OF HER PHOTOS AND THOUGHT HE COULD GET AWAY WITH IT. EVERY LAST ONE OF US IS GONNA CROWDFUND SAVVY’S TRIP TO SHITFUCK, WISCONSIN SO SHE CAN DRAG YOUR PEARSHAPED SACK OF SHIT ASS INTO SMALL CLAIMS COURT AND MAKE YOU ANSWER FOR EVERY STOLEN PICTURE, EVERY LIE, EVERY WEASELY EXCUSE YOU’VE EVER SPUN. EVERY LAST DELICIOUS SECOND OF THAT TRIP, THAT COURT DATE, THAT HUMILIATION IS GOING TO BE LOGGED ONLINE FOR ALL TO ENJOY WHILE WE RECKLESS BEN OUR WAY DEEPER AND DEEPER INTO YOUR LIFE, BRICK BY BRICK, ZYN BY ZYN, AIRLINE BOTTLE BY AIRLINE BOTTLE, UNTIL THERE’S NOTHING LEFT BUT THE STINK OF YOUR OWN EXCUSES. BECAUSE IT’S A SAFARI UP IN HERE, MR. GAMBLY, AND WE’RE GONNA TAKE YOU DOWN TO SEE THE ELEPHANTS WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. THIS ISN’T DYING DOWN. HANNAH CLAIRE IS NOT COMING BACK FOR MIDTERMS. THIS IS YOUR LIFE NOW, YOU BLOATED, PHOTO-STEALING, PILL-BOTTLE-CHUGGING CLOWN, AND WE’RE GONNA CROWDFUND LOLSUIT AFTER LOLSUIT AFTER LOLSUIT UNTIL YOUR ACCOUNT IS EMPTY, YOUR REPUTATION IS ASH, AND EVERY LAST PERSON WHO STILL GIVES YOU THE TIME OF DAY REALIZES THEY WERE BACKING A FRAUD WHO CAN’T EVEN KEEP HIS OWN STORY STRAIGHT. YOU OWE HER SCALE PHOTOS, YOU FAT PUD. NOW WE OWE YOU _MAYHEM._ (Figuratively, in MInecraft.)